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He nodded and looked away across the clearing. “I guess no one else in the world knows exactly how we feel. No one else loved Nina the same way.”
The way he said it made me feel weird. Loved Nina. Like she was gone. Like she wasn’t coming back. But I got what he meant otherwise. No one else did get it, not in the same way. Mom and Dad loved Nina just as much as I did, but they were the adults and kind of in control of the situation, as much as anyone was. They were doing everything they could to find her and make things better, but they were keeping so much from me, only telling me things when they had no other choice. They were a team, and I was alone. And, I guess, so was Simon.
“Yeah,” I said.
“We need to be there for each other, Grace. Until we get to the other side of this thing.”
“Yeah,” I said again, and I smiled. A small, weird smile, but him saying that made me feel so good. I’d have someone to talk to. My own teammate. And he’d talk to his mom and make her leave my mom alone, and maybe Simon and I could figure out where Nina had gone. No one knew her as well as we did, not really. I was about to say that when he took my hand. He held it in his, and he turned to look at me.
“You look kind of like her, you know. Not the same, because your hair is blond, and you’re taller and a little bigger. But you’re just like her around your eyes. And your mouth.”
He looked at my lips. And his thumb caressed the back of my hand. And it did not feel good. Not at all.
I snatched my hand away and pushed both of my hands between my thighs. My shoulders hunched over. He put his hand on the back of my neck and held me there, gently.
“It’s okay, Grace.”
I shook my head. I didn’t know what to do.
“You don’t need to feel guilty, you know. It’s natural to feel this way. You miss Nina and so do I. It’s natural that we’d be drawn together.”
His hand was still on the back of my neck. He rubbed the back of my head and my neck, like a massage, but slower. Everything he was saying was exactly what I had thought, but twisted.
“Nina would want you to feel good.”
I stood up. My bag of chips fell on the ground. He picked it up. He smiled at me, like I’d done something cute.
“I have to go,” I said. I picked up my backpack from the ground and slung it on my back.
“Stay and finish your lunch.”
I shook my head. “I have to get Charlie back.”
“You asked me to come here and meet you, you know. I drove all the way over here. It’s kind of shitty to just disappear.”
Was that right? Had I asked him to meet me? Hadn’t he suggested that he come?
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m just... not feeling well.”
His brow furrowed. “Did I do something wrong? I thought we were friends.” He blinked and rubbed at his eyes. I could see tears, real tears. “You know, Grace, it’s been a really shitty week. First Nina dumped me, and then she disappeared, and half the country, or at least half the people online, seem to think I had something to do with it. Do you know how that feels? Your sister is missing, but at least no one thinks you had anything to do with it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again. I felt so bad for him. I must have misread things. I took a step toward him, and he stood up, and then he hugged me. I hugged him back. I thought maybe he was going to cry. He didn’t cry, but he held on to me like he needed me just to stand up.
“I miss her so much.”
“I know,” I said. “Me too.” And then I was the one who was crying. He rubbed my back and then the back of my head.
“It’s okay, Gracey.”
Only my mom and dad and Nina call me Gracey. It made me cry harder.
“Shh,” he said. “Shh. It’ll be all right. We’ll make it all right.” He slid his right hand to the side of my face until he was cupping my face. He kissed my neck. He kissed my cheek. He tilted my face and kissed the side of my lips. He tried to kiss me open mouthed. I pushed him away, hard, and fell backward, landing on my backside. He put a hand out to help me up.
“Grace....” He looked at me with his head to the side, a sad expression on his face, like I’d just gotten things wrong and really disappointed him. I held up a hand in a back-off gesture.
“No,” I said. “No.” I scrambled backward, stood up, and kept backing up until I bumped into Charlie. Simon frowned. He came after me, until he was too close. I ducked under Charlie’s neck, and Simon looked mad as hell.
“What is your problem? You can’t lead me on and then just walk away.”
