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“What is it?” Lacey asks, and she rests her chin on my shoulder.
“It’s an ornament for us. Our First Christmas, it says, with the year underneath it.” I turn it around, and I see our names engraved on it, too. “It’s perfect. We’ll hang it on the tree next year.”
“Just a little something to commemorate your first holiday together,” my mom says.
“This is so thoughtful, Kelly.”
Lacey pushes off the couch and walks to my mom.
A rush of love hits me as I watch them. I know our relationship started as something artificial and fake, but I also know she’ll be here with me next year. On this same couch, with these same people. We’ll have a second Christmas and a third Christmas together, amassing them until we’ve collected fifty ornaments, and we’ll have a tree decorated in mementos documenting our love story.
There might be an end date for this arrangement between us, but I’m not letting Lacey Daniels walk away from me. Not when my mom hugs her tight and plays with the ends of her hair. Not when my nieces—all five of them—barrel into her and ask her to play dress up and house and pirates with them. Not when I can’t wipe the stupid smile off my face when she glances at me from across the room later that night at dinner, the brightest twinkle in her eyes.
We’re going to have to adjust the terms.
I love her so much it hurts.
It hurts to think about saying goodbye. It hurts to think about a life where I don’t wake up next to her. It hurts to imagine her making someone else happy when she makes me feel on top of the fucking world.
I’ll take one more day with her over a thousand with anyone else.
* * *
“Thanks for the present, Mom,”I say as I drop the last dirty plate in the kitchen sink and take a seat at the small table next to her. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know I didn’t, but I wanted to.” Her eyebrow lifts and she rests her chin in her hand. “I’m onto you, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sweetie, I’ve been your mother for forty-six years. I know you better than you know yourself. Do you honestly think you’d find a girlfriend and bring her to Christmas, and I wouldn’t know it was fake?”
My cheeks burn and I rub my temples. “How did—why—” I sigh and shake my head, not even bothering to come up with an excuse. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
“Tell me the story.”
And I do. About the kiss cam and how I wanted to take away Lacey’s embarrassment. About the decision to pretend to date each other through the holidays.
I leave out telling her about the supply closet. Lacey’s couch. Upstairs in my bed last night—twice—because I don’t think she needs to hearallthe details.
When I finish, I take a deep breath and reluctantly bring my gaze to meet hers.
“I’m a shitty son, aren’t I?” I ask.
“What are you talking about? Do you know how horrible it is to know you thought you had toliebecause it would makemehappy? Darling, all I want is foryouto be happy. I don’t care if that’s by yourself or with someone else. I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like you had to have a partner.”
“It’s not your fault.” I sigh and lean back in the chair, kicking my legs straight out in front of me. I cross my ankles over each other and look at the ceiling. “I think I’ve just been so desperate to be… not alone. And this was an excuse to not be alone, again, for another holiday season.”
“Tell me about Lacey.”
My lips twitch, and I glance over at the brunette leaning over the sink, soap up her arms and a sponge in her hands. “She’s a breath of fresh air. She’s the first woman who hasn’t been impressed with my name or how much money I make. If I lost everything tomorrow, she’d still be right there. And that’s scary, because she sees me. I can have a panic attack, and she’ll hold me after. My team can lose a game and she’ll order pizza with me and sit on the couch like it’s no big deal. I feel like I’ve been drowning for years, and she’s pulled me to the surface. With her I can laugh. With her I can just… justlive. I can finally breathe.”
My mom takes my hand in hers and holds me tight. “I want you to listen to me, Shawn. What you have with her is special. I don’t care if it’s friendship or if it’s something deeper and more complex. You’ve taken care of your heart for so long, and it’s okay to let someone else in who will help take care of it, too. You don’t have to do it alone.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. “She’s the most important person in the world to me, Mom. I’m desperate for her attention and greedy for her time. She smiles at me, and I go weak in the knees.” I laugh and shake my head. “I sound obsessed, don’t I?”
“No.” My mom kisses my cheek and rests her cheek on my shoulder. “You sound like you’re in love.”
* * *
