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“Just what every forty-something man wants to hear. That he’s cute,” I say, and she pokes my side.
“You know what I mean. I like that you have this assertive side, but I like the softer side, too,” she says.
“I like being both with you,” I admit, and she kisses me.
“So do I.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“No.” She shakes her head and curls back up against me. “I’d really like it if you stayed. For a little while. For the night. Whatever you want.”
“Okay.” I squeeze her shoulder and close my eyes. My body settles, and I feel myself starting to fall asleep. “I’m not going anywhere. Wake me up for my game on Sunday. Until then, I’m out of commission.”
“I’m going to run to the bathroom and clean up. I’ll be right back,” Lacey says, and I nod.
“Okay,” I say again, and I miss her the second she leaves my side.
THIRTY-TWO
LACEY
“I’m goingto grab some popcorn,” Aiden says. “Does anyone want anything?”
“Can you bring me a beer?” I ask. “This game is stressing me the hell out, and the Titans are up by fourteen.”
“Sure. Anything for you, sweetheart?” he asks Maggie, and she shakes her head.
“Nope. I’m good, thank you.” She kisses his cheek and pats his chest. “Hurry back.”
“Have you two ever had a fight?” I ask as Aiden walks away. “I swear it’s nothing but smooth sailing with you all.”
I scoot closer to her as a burst of wind rips through the stadium. The temperature is unforgiving today, dipping well below freezing and making my hands turn red even inside my gloves. It hasn’t deterred the crowd, though. The Titans fans are out in full force, their blue jerseys bright against the backdrop of the setting sun and their cheers ringing through the air.
“We definitely argue. We agree on most things, but sometimes tensions will get high and we have to take a step back. There’s never any yelling, and after a few minutes, we realize how stupid we’re being.” Maggie smiles and rests her head on my shoulder. “I’ll take a bad day with him over a good day with anyone else.”
“Was it scary to let Aiden in like that?” I ask. “To be vulnerable with him?”
“Is this a hypothetical question, or is there something you need to tell me?”
“Totally hypothetical. Consider it investigative research.”
She hums and loops her arms around mine. “Okay, I’ll play along. Of course it was scary. It’s fucking terrifying to let your guard down. We live in a world where everyone expects to see the best versions of you. And then you come out of the woodwork and say,surprise!I’m divorced and infertile, and they all kind of look at you like you have two heads because suddenly you’re not perfect and put together. But the right person will still think you’re perfect. Two broken halves are still a whole.”
“That is incredibly wise coming from the woman who gave the guy she met at a strangers’ photo shoot a few hours prior a list of things she wanted to try in bed,” I say, and I laugh when she pinches my side. “I’m just kidding. I love your love story. When you know, you know, right?”
“Yes and no. I think some love is hot and heavy. It burns fast and bright, like the flash of lightning in a summer storm. Other love takes more time. It’s more… raw. Real. Slow and steady. It’s uncovering bits and pieces of someone and dusting away that coat of armor they’ve put around themselves. It’s also relentless, because it keeps showing up. It’s sneaky and it’s annoying, because just when you think you’ve escaped, just when you think you’ve gotten away without being burned, you realize you’re totally obsessed with someone and your world is on fire when they’re around.” She sighs. “Love is beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I stare at the field, and my eyes find Shawn. He’s pacing on the sideline, his hands tucked under his arms and his shoulders curved forward. “I guess it is.”
Could he love me like that?
The thought races through my mind, and before I allow it to manifest, before I allow it to take shape and form into something meaningful, I shove it away.Faraway, in the compartment where I keep the other things I adore about him.
I’ll open it up on a rainy day in March when the flowers start to bloom. I’ll remember what it was like when he held me close, and I’ll think maybe,maybethere’s a chance someone could love me one day.
Like the way I deserve.
“You okay?” Maggie asks, and her question is thoughtful. Careful. I wonder if she can read my mind and see all the secrets I’m hiding.
