AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Thank you,” I say.
“He’s going to be okay,” he says, and he gives me a quick hug. He smells like sweat, but I lean into his comforting embrace anyway. “Jett got him into the medical tent. There’s no press in there.”
“Got it.” I sprint past the rest of the players and into the tent. I spot him immediately, and my heart lurches in my chest.
It’s amazing how someone so big can look so small.
He’s sitting on a leather table with his head in his hands. He’s rocking back and forth again, and I hear soft whispers like he’s talking to himself.
“Shawn.” I drop to my knees in front of him and rest my hands on his thighs. “Hey, it’s me. Lacey.”
“Lacey?” He lifts his chin and his eyes find mine. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought you might want some company.” I stand up and stroke his hair. It’s damp with sweat around his forehead, and I brush a couple of rogue pieces out of his eyes. “Is it okay if I stay with you for a little while?”
“Yeah. Of course,” he says, and I climb onto the table. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I didn’t have to travel very far.” I sit behind him and I pull him toward me so his back is against my chest. I rub his shoulders and down his arms, trying to ease the tension he’s carrying in the pressure points of his body; his hands. The slope of his neck. The valley between his shoulders. “I would’ve traveled farther if I had to. There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
“I think I’m having a panic attack,” he whispers.
“Oh, sweetheart, you’re definitely having a panic attack. But it’s okay. You’re in the medical tent now. You’re safe in here. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, okay?”
“Okay.”
I fumble with my phone and pull it out of my back pocket. I search for a song on the internet and hit play. The soft opening chords of Pachelbel’s Canon fill the small space, and Shawn’s shoulders instantly relax.
“You’re okay,” I murmur in his ear. “You’re alright. I’m here.”
We stay like that for a while. The game continues on without Shawn; I can still hear the whistle and the crowd and the players walking back and forth on the sidelines. But in here, we’re in a tiny bubble. A fortress no one—not even one of his panic attacks—can break into.
The music loops, a one-hour version that plays on repeat. I hum along to the violins and hold Shawn’s hand. His tattooed arm drapes down my thigh. When the third round of the canon comes around, Shawn perks up.
“I’m sorry,” is the first thing he says, and I shake my head.
“We’re not going to do that,” I say softly. “Do you remember what I told you when you came to my apartment after your first loss of the season? I said you don’t have to be perfectly put together around me.”
“You’re a safe space for me,” he mumbles, so quietly I barely hear him. It hangs there in the air, weighty and heavy, before he continues. “Just like these other parts of my life I associate as somewhere I can be myself and make mistakes. I also feel it with you.”
“That’s how I feel about you, too.” I rest my chin on his shoulder and sigh. “It’s lovely to have a place that feels so nice, isn’t it? A place that feels like home.”
Shawn folds his hand over my knee. His fingers fan out around my thigh and his thumb rubs along the stitching of my fleece-lined leggings. “You feel more like home to me every day.”
If there was a way to see inside my chest, I’m certain there’d be a picture of my heart stitching itself back together with those words. Every second this man is in my arms, the walls I’ve put up slowly start to come down.
There are so many times in my life where I feel like I’m alone. Watching my friends find love and settle down. Mediocre dates that never pan out to anything besides awkward conversation and a few drinks. The ask to change myself for someone else because how I am isn’tgood enough.
With Shawn by my side, I’m never alone.
“It’s a nice house, isn’t it?” I ask.
“Yeah. I really like what you’ve done with the place.” He lets out a sigh and rolls his shoulders back. “I think I’m better now. That was the worst I’ve had in a while.”
“What do you think triggered it?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because we’re leaving for my parents soon. Maybe it’s because—” he stops himself short of saying anything else, and I frown at the secret he’s holding on to. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now. I’m sorry I worried you.”
“You’re not allowed to apologize to me. Not over something like this. Can I look at you and make sure you’re alright?”
