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“You have to promise to not make fun of me.”
“No guarantees, but I’ll do my best.”
“Fine.” She sets her glass on the coffee table in front of us and turns to me. “There was this guy I was seeing during my freshman year of college. We had been on a couple of dates, and one night, I brought him back to my place. We were on my bed. I was wearing nice lingerie, and I thought we were going to have a good time. Without any foreplay or build up, he slipped inside me—and when I say slipped, I mean barely an inch—rolled his eyes to the back of his head, and told me he was finished.”
I hide my laugh as a cough. “Just the tip, huh?”
“Tip is being generous. He had the audacity to ask if Ifinished, as if he couldn’t tell I was as dry as the Sahara Desert.”
“We’re not the most observant creatures. You have to dumb things down for us.”
“That’s not even the worst part.”
“What’s the worst part?”
“When he pulled out, he pushed up onto his knees and…” Maven buries her face in her hands. “Peed all over my new mattress.”
I drop my head back and laugh so loud, I wouldn’t be shocked if I woke June up. “Stop it. Did he—was it a medical condition?”
“Nope. If it was, I would’ve been understanding, of course. After, he looked at the sheets and said, I quote, ‘huh. Happened again. Gotta tell the boys. We keep a tally of how many beds we pee in.’”
I wheeze so hard I start to snort. Maven giggles beside me, and when I see her wipe tears from her eyes, I lose it all over again.
“Fucking hell,” I say through a strangled breath. My abdominal muscles hurt from laughing so hard, and I try to calm down. “That is the most revolting thing I’ve ever heard in myentire life. Did he—I cannot believe I’m asking this—help clean up the mess?”
“Nope. He told me ‘this was fun,’ and left. I never texted him again.”
“I sure as shit hope not. Wow. There’s a lot to unpack there.”
She scoops up her glass and downs the rest of her drink like a champ. “Your turn. Tell me your worst hookup story.”
“Ah.” I run my hand through my hair and shrug. “I don’t really have one.”
“Everyone’s been perfect? Lucky you.”
“No. I mean, I don’t date so?—”
“What about one night stands before June was born? Quick fucks in the back of a club?”
I almost whimper at hearing her sayfuck. “Nope. It’s been a very long time.”
Her mouth forms an O, and she scoots closer to me. “How long is long?”
“Long. I haven’t slept with anyone since the night June came into existence. And before that, no one since college. Even back then it was only a few times.”
Maven blinks. It looks like she’s trying to do some tipsy math in her head, and it’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. “Seven years?”
“Eight, actually.”
“And it’s by choice? Because I’m sure there would be a line of women willing to give you a hand. Or a mouth. Or a?—”
“Stop,” I say, and she pulls back. “Sorry. I just… it’s been a while, and hearing you say things like that makes it really fucking difficult to concentrate.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“Don’t be, and thank you for the ego boost. Football has always been my sole focus, and now June is my number onepriority. Maybe one day I’ll find time to let go a little bit, but for now…”
“For now, you’re practically a monk,” she finishes for me.
