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It’s fine. Everything’s fine.
I didn’t care what Hudson thought of me. After the week was over, I wouldn’t be intruding on him anymore. Those thoughts kept my nerves calm.
Until he drove into the parking lot.
I bit my lips and looked over at him as he glanced around. He must have felt my stare. He briefly met my eyes before pulling into a parking spot. His eyebrows pinched together. “Is this the place?”
“Yep.” I unbuckled the seat belt as he shut off the engine.
“My futon isn’t heavy, so we can…” I trailed off as I squinted at the dumpster with black furniture sticking out of the top. I hopped out and ran toward the left side of the apartment building where the trash bin was.
“Eugene!” Hudson hollered.
I ignored him and pushed a random, dirty chair over so I could stand on it and look into the dumpster. My heart hammered against my ribcage. I recognized my cheap, little futon. I still needed to see it closer to believe it, though.
“No, no, no,” I whispered.
My chest tightened painfully. It was as I expected. I recognized my belongings. My little coffee table and my fucking TV. The mold on the futon told me it had likely been out there almost as soon as I had been forced to vacate. I shook as my anger intensified.
“What’s wrong?” Hudson asked from behind me. “Come down. It’s dangerous up there.”
If I wasn’t so mad, I might have paid more attention to where his hands gripped my hips and lifted me. He kicked the chair away like it had the plague.
“They threw away my things.”
But I didn’t see my books, DVDs, clothes, or my bed. Without a word, I ran toward the door, up two flights of steps, where my door was cracked open.
I didn’t know if it was the anger exhausting me or what I saw when I pushed at the door and entered. Black mold waseverywhere.Everything, even the fridge and things that weren’t mine, was gone. The anger gave way to astonishment as I ran into my room. What upset me, though, was seeing the bookshelf on its side. My books, scattered everywhere, were ruined. Some of them were so wet and moldy that I couldn’t even make out the print on them.
My DVDs were nowhere in sight. I hadn’t checked my closet yet. Considering the state of the apartment and how quickly it deteriorated, I didn’t have much hope for my clothes.
Tears formed, and I took giant gulps of air.Don’t cry, don’t cry.I should have taken my things out right away. Once again, my actions were my downfall. I couldn’t be mad at the landlord, could I? I left my things there.
But I had told her I’d come back for everything. It’d only been four days. Four. Fucking. Days.
I crouched beside my broken bookshelf and picked up one of the books. It was a newer copy of Pride and Prejudice. It wasn’t a special edition or an old copy. Nothing grand, but my soul ached all the same. It took years for me to build my collection. Just like that, it was gone.
“Hey.” Large hands were on my shoulder, pulling me up. “You don’t need to be in here.”
Hudson was right. The state of my old room was horrifying, so I let him lead me outside. All I could focus on was not crying. I swept my hair off my forehead to give my hand something to do. Instinctively, I went to use the other, but Hudson grasped it. He only let go when he opened the passenger side of his truck. I got in and didn’t dare look at him.
“I’m sorry. This is a wasted trip.” My voice cracked. “I lost all my books...”
I didn’t expect him or anyone to understand, but that upset me most. Some of those books were gifts from Gran. And they wereruined.
I took a deep breath, trying to gather my emotions.
“Start the engine. I’ll be back.” I didn’t get to ask what he was doing. He tossed his keys on my lap, shut the door, and ran to the apartment.
As soon as he disappeared inside, I allowed myself to cry big, ugly tears. The sobs echoed in his truck that I didn’t start. I told myself I had until he returned to be upset then I had to get my shit together. So, I wiped and wiped the tears from my cheeks until they were tender. I let myself mourn material things. I let myself cry because, no matter how hard I tried, I always seemed to make mistakes.
It’s fine. Everything’s fine.
After a few minutes, I felt calm enough to stop. I didn’t expect Hudson to take that long. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I pulled myself together by the time he ran out. As soon as he hopped in, he exhaled. “You’ll be compensated for your losses.”
My eyes widened. Yolanda agreed to that?
Then he glanced at me, mouth parting, brows furrowing, and I looked away. But I still felt him staring, and I was aware of how red and puffy my face got every time I cried.
