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My heart believed Hudson was different. He never expected anything from me. Every smile, laugh, and conversation, even with his sighs thrown in, were beautiful. But my brain still ran the past in a loop in my head.
Placing two Coca-Colas on a table, I turned and locked eyes with Hudson, who was carrying plates. He paused, his gaze devouring me head to toe, and then he smiled the sweetest of smiles. My cheeks heated, and my heart snagged in my chest. It was like all the negative thoughts ceased in that moment.
Hudson Henderson was one of the good guys. I needed to stop projecting my past onto the man heading my way. That didn’t mean what happened between us meant anything to him. Maybe he comforted every upset woman with his penis. The thought spiked anger inside me, and I swallowed it down. He never brought anyone home. I never saw him with anyone at the restaurant. He was always with me when he wasn’t working. Why did we have sex? I didn’t know intimacy could be that good. Of course, I knew it was good for a lot of people, just not much for me.
What did Hudson think of me? What did I want him to think? Did he think I was dirty for letting him come inside me? I was a careful person when it came to my body, but… If he tried touching me again, I’d let him spill inside me again. My nipples pebbled, and I looked away, trying to control my wanton thoughts.
The truth was crystal clear. I knew what I felt for the man I lived with. It was the reason I was sad when I saw the bookshelves he was building. I wasn’t going to be in his life forever, and that caused me a great deal of heartache. I believed I might be in love with Hudson. My feelings kept growing, and I was scared I was doing a terrible job of keeping my feelings to myself.
When he approached me, I lifted my chin. “Is that for one of my tables?” I asked when I knew he only brought out my orders.
“Table ten,” he answered. “Two steaks and baked potatoes.”
“Thank you.” My words were soft and rushed all at once. “I’ll take it to them.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “You did your eyes different,” he said. “Looks good. I like it.”
My skin tingled as I looked at his chest as I took the plates. I couldn’t meet his eyes because he had already complimented me three times since morning.
The makeup was so freaking obvious. How embarrassing!
“Thank you.” My words came out chirpy as I hurried away.
I caught Georgianna’s gaze, and there was a huge smile plastered on her face. As I tended to a few of my tables, she bumped hips with me.
“I knew it!”
“Knew what?” I asked.
“Hudson is crazy about you.” She laughed. “The man has been waiting onyouhand and foot since you started working here two months ago.”
My stomach clenched. “It’s not like that.”
She stopped smiling, then shook her head as if I had disappointed her. “Hey now. There’s nothing wrong with seeing him if you are. The man is stunning, but too much of an ass. Well, to me, anyway. I see that you get the princess treatment. I’d eat that shit up if I were you. If the man had given me any of the looks he gives you, I would have folded right away.” She nudged my shoulder. “You lucky bitch.”
“It’s not like that,” I said again.
All I needed was for the workers to start gossiping about us. If Hudson believed I was telling everyone we were a thing, he’d be furious.
THIRTY-SEVEN
EUGENE
I brushed through my wet hair on my bed. Knowing Hudson worked until closing, I went ahead and washed it. A part of me, the biggest part, wanted him to touch me in some way. I didn’t know how I was supposed to act, though. Did I pretend everything was the same? Would Hudson?
I had to leave. Being comfortable was dangerous. I’d rather walk out before those feelings got any bigger. But I didn’t want to. I wished my brain would shut up.
The second Hudson touched me, it marked my doom. From the briefest of skin contact, I melted. No matter what I said about being done with men. None of it mattered when I encountered Hudson.
Shit. It was already too late. I truly loved him.
My shoulders drooped. I missed him and couldn’t wait for him to be home. My confused thoughts didn’t matter much. No matter how much I fussed at myself, or how scared I got, I didn’t think it was going to make a difference in the end.
I couldn’t leave him unless he made me.
God. That made me insane.
Even if he wasn’t home, I should take care of my hair. He would be happy if I told him. Jumping off the bed, I hurried to his bedroom, thinking the dryer might be in the bathroom. As soon as I entered his room, I froze, my heart racing as steam poured out of the bathroom.
