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Chapter Thirty-One
Hadley
I was so sick to my stomach. It was like battery acid churned through it. This was worse than the first day of a new job. This was worse than giving birth.
Lucy was too young to leave me!
Lucy’s first day of Alabama Head Start, the government run preschool program for low-income families, made me so nervous I nearly vomited. She, on the other hand, was excited as we walked toward the entrance. She had a bounce to her step as she held my hand.
“Can Elijah come inside too?” Lucy poked her head over her tiny shoulder and looked back to where Elijah stood by his truck.
God bless America!Please don’t encourage the big guy, Lucy. She didn’t know how much I had to discourage Elijah from doing just that. We dropped Eli off at my parents, so I could go in with Lucy for her first day. I was a complete and utter wreck. It didn’t help that Elijah, who had been sneaking up to my apartment the last few days for inappropriate things, was doing for Lucy what Scott had never done.
My desire for Elijah confused me while I was anxious about what Scott’s family would say about our relationship. To be fair, I asked Scott if he wanted to come with me on Lucy’s first day. He declined and asked me to take pictures for his mom instead.
It hurt and made me sad that Lucy’s dad didn’t want to be there for her. Even if she barely spoke about her father, which was another thing that made me sad, I couldn’t do anything. Scott had to the make the effort, but he didn’t want to.
I thought maybe he had a lady friend over the last week since he didn’t bug me as much, but that also meant Scott spoke to Lucy less. Yesterday, she called him about her first day, but Scott didn’t answer. So I sent a text message, and that was how we got a response. I was tired of worrying about Scott spending time with his kids.
As much as I wanted Eli to know his dad, I couldn’t control that. Scott had only been around him a few times. I had both of my parents growing up, so I didn’t know how to handle single parenting. The thought of Lucy and Eli not seeing their father broke my heart. I knew there were a lot of kids who had a lot less than mine. It was why I tried so hard to make opportunities for Scott. Maybe it was time to step back and see what he did on his own. Whether he tried or did nothing, I had to believe I was enough.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much we had. Lucy and Eli had amazing grandparents and an awesome auntie who talked to them over the phone or through Facetime every night. Then there was Elijah…
“Please, Mommy?” Lucy begged. Still holding my hand, she turned around again and beckoned Elijah. “Elijah, want to see my room? Mommy says other big kids will be with me.” She held her free hand out, and my heart pitter-pattered as she did.
My face felt hot, not out of embarrassment, but because I felt so much. Lucy really liked Elijah. I really liked him too, but I was scared of getting hurt. Just like Lucy, I was emotionally attached—happy too—and that terrified me. Having him around was wonderful. But what happened if one day Elijah walked away from us?
“Lucy,” I whispered as I heard Elijah’s giant boots hit the pavement. When I looked over, I caught his uneasy smile as he walked beside her. Oh, fudge, he was uncomfortable and that made me feel awful. I should have known this would happen and had my parents drive me.
On a positive note, my car was paid off that morning. There was enough money left to put a down payment on a new one. No more being chauffeured around. I was determined to drive home in a vehicle even if it meant breaking the bank.
“You don’t have to come in,” I rushed out, taking in his rigid stance as he moved.
“But, Mom,” Lucy whined. “Please, please.”
“He’s uncomfortable, Lucy,” I tried to tell her.
“Hadley, I’m only uncomfortable because I know how much you don’t want me going in.” Elijah bent down, stopping at the entrance. An employee walked by us with a smile and a wink as she hurried in. “Let’s listen to your mom, Lucy. I’ll come with your mom to pick you up later.” Lucy’s shoulders dropped, and I felt like the villain.
Elijah wanted this. I only hesitated because I thought of what Scott’s family would say about Elijah stepping in and doing things for Lucy.
“You really want him to come inside, too?” I asked and Lucy looked up at me. “Okay. We’re dropping you off, but we can’t stay. This is a big kid’s school where you go to learn and make new friends.”
She nodded vigorously. “I just want him to see it, too. That I’m a big girl!”
I glanced at Elijah and gave him a tiny smile. “Do you want to?”
Elijah dropped his head, shoulders sagged as he took in a relieved breath. His dark, intense eyes touched my soul when he spoke. “I’d like that very much.”
He stood, and the three of us walked inside. It was a little chaotic with kids crying in the halls. A couple did the same thing inside Lucy’s class. “Luc—”
I never got to finish my sentence. My daughter slipped into the room like she’d been a thousand times before. She walked around, talking ninety miles per hour. It took a second to calm her down and introduce her to the teacher. I watched Lucy and the others, then knew I wasn’t needed anymore.
That was it? No tears? Nothing?
Solid fingers clasped over my shoulders and stroked them. “At least wait until you get outside before you cry. You’ll freak out Lucy.”
Elijah was right. I never even looked at him as I sucked in a big breath and tried to smile. “Lucy, I’ll be back later to pick you up, okay?”
