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I’m surprised when I log onto my computer, to see that I have no scheduled appointments today, and my best guess is that's thanks to Liam. Now, whether he did it because I can’t be trusted, or if it's because he thinks I’m not up to the task, remains to be seen. Liam has been staying out of my way this morning, and I don’t have the energy or the guts to go see him to ask. I think I need to accept that my career here is pretty much over. And I don’t blame him. I broke the rules, but how severe will the punishment be? I’m too chickenshit to find out. However, I’m fucking grateful he didn’t report Noah to the police after last night. But I won’t let that get my hopes up that he’ll be okay with Noah. Liam is such a good guy, that he probably kept quiet to protect me.
There’s a knock on my office door, and my stomach fills with nerves as Liam pops his head around the gap of the open door, looking unsure, which I wasn’t expecting. I was prepared for him to burst in and shout me down, listing every negative thing he could about me and the choices I had made thus far.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
“You never have to ask, Liam,” I say.
I watch as he tentatively walks in, closing the door softly behind him. He isn’t looking at me but at his hands that he’s rubbing together, seemingly trying to find the words he wants to say.
“Look, I’m far from happy at what transpired yesterday. You know you shouldn’t be involved in any personal way, let alone romantically, with a patient. Apart from being against policy, it's highly unethical, not to mention unsafe. But I let my hurt feelings that you kept it from me overcloud any professional opinion. And I should not have accosted you like that yesterday. We should’ve sat down and discussed it, and that’s on me. I was just shocked, Chase. You’re my best friend, and I care about you.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat at his words. So unexpected but welcome. But I’m at fault, too.
“Liam, it was never because I doubted you or didn’t trust you as a friend. I was scared to tell you the truth because I knew what you would say, and I know you would have been right. I just didn’t want to hear it. Besides, with everything else going on, Noah just took all that away. He makes me feel seen, Liam. I feel wanted and special, and yes, I know he has issues.”
Liam scoffs at that but tells me to carry on.
“As I was saying, I know he has issues, ones that will never be fixed, but I’m in too deep, Liam. I don’t want to lose him. I know it puts you in a spot with my job, and I accept if you have tolet me go, but I wouldn’t change it, and I’m so sorry for hurting you.”
It's the complete truth. I love Liam like a brother, but he has his own life and a wife at home. I have lived for so long as a shell of myself, lonely and treated like shit. Liam has always been a support, but Noah keeps me safe, fulfills my needs and I never have to ask. I would never want to choose between them, but given the choice, Noah has my heart. My chest hurts without him next to me, he’s become the air I need to survive.
“You do know you sound co-dependent right now, and if I were your therapist, I would be concerned?”
“I guess.” I shrug.
“No Chase. It’s facts. I’ve never seen you like this. Yes, you were heartbroken over Wade, but you were present. Recently, it’s been like you are not even here. And I have to say, your devotion to him in such a short time is alarming.”
I feel my eyes fill, emotions bubbling up inside. Shit, I’ve never cried as much as I have this past couple of months. I’m hearing and understanding what he’s saying, but I’m unable to accept I’m not still me in terms of a friend.
“Noah’s brainwashed you, Chase. That's what they do. They trick you into getting what they want. They can’t love, they have zero empathy, and can’t control their obsessions. You may not see it now because you are so influenced by him, but I’m here, Chase. I’m here to help you.”
“But he makes me happy,” I whisper, a tear sliding down my cheek, resisting any idea that this isn’t real.
Liam walks over to me and grabs me into a hug, which I accept with open arms.
“Don’t worry about your job. I’ll keep quiet as long as he doesn't keep showing up here. I rescheduled your appointments this week as I wasn’t sure if you were going to stay off or want towork. But the bottom line is that I’m still your friend, and I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
Liam lets me go and walks out of my office as quietly as he entered. I’m relieved about my job, but I don’t ever see myself changing my mind about Noah—my shadow.
Feeling a little lighter than when I walked into work this morning, I catch up on some work, fully submerging myself so I don’t think about him.Shadow.
CHAPTER 39
NOAH
Pulling up to my father’s house, you would think it was the standard rich-folk property, nothing that’s out of place. But I can see it. Gone are the cars that were lined up in the driveway by the garage. Usually, you would see at least two or three vehicles owned by house staff, but they are empty. A house that once bustled with life looks like an empty shell. That helps my little problem of how I was going to get them to leave. I park at the back of the outbuilding, which is to the side of the property behind the garage, so my car won’t be seen when he arrives home.
My father is at his company office this morning, no doubt with his guard dog, Linc. According to the paperwork I found when I was last here snooping, he has a meeting with his lawyers there to discuss the lawsuits coming his way.
With no time to waste, I put my plan into motion. I let myself inside the house and do a sweep from top to bottom just to make sure there is nobody here. Once I’m satisfied, I go back out to my car and put on a pair of latex gloves, then go in search of the gas my father has always kept on the property to fill his cars. God forbid he would ever be seen at a gas station.
I manage to get into the large shed that's situated behind the garage, grab a couple of jerry cans, and bring them back to the house. I make another three trips as this will require a lot due to the size of the house, and I want to make sure nothing but ash and debris lay in the wake of his legacy.
I start upstairs first. There are five bedrooms here, all with antique furniture. I cover the pieces of furniture with gasoline. The sloshing sounds of the liquid fill the quiet as I throw it around each room. The sharp smell of the flammable liquid makes me a touch light-headed, but I power through.
I make sure to throw around some bed sheets and cushions on the floor and cover them in the gas too. It's like the kindling to a fire and will make sure the house catches and heats up faster.
I repeat the same thing in the basement and leave one of the windows open to help encourage the flames to spread. I cough from the damn smell, it's so pungent, it clings to my mouth and throat in a thick layer, making my eyes water.
