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“Of course. You can count on me.”
“You’re the best.” She leans in and gives me a hug, and it’s so hard to let go, but I force myself to.
It’s almost the end of January, so it’s getting closer to playoff time. I know Marjorie is nervous so I want to be there for her, but I still feel guilty. Here I am, standing beside her, promising to be at her game, while her newest note to me burns a hole in my pocket. Each note gets a little more real, a little more intimate. The hearts aren’t only at the end but are now dispersed throughout.
Standing here right now, I want to tell her it’s me. I want her to know. I don’t want to hide it. I can’t tell her though. No matter how guilty I feel, I can’t give in. She doesn’t want to know it’s me. I know she doesn’t.
Instead, I wave goodbye, walk out to my car, and drive home. I say a quick hello to my mom before running upstairs and taking the note from my pocket.
Can you believe we’ve been back in school for almost three weeks already? Between basketball, studying, and work, I feel like I’ve barely breathed. Not complaining though. This is my favorite time of year. What’s your favorite season? Why? Do I ask too many questions in these notes? If you ever think I do, you can just tell me.
Omg, when I read your last note I literally jumped up and down on my bed. I’m so excited you have three chapters of a book written! I know you don’t think that’s much, but it’s SUCH a good start. What’s it about? Will you ever let me read it? No pressure, but I would love that! <3
I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been at any of my basketball games. I haven’t asked because I don’t want to overstep, but every game, I wonder if you’re there watching. Sometimes, I swear I can feel your presence. I’m really sorry if that sounds creepy, but it’s just the honest truth <3.
No matter what, your notes always remind me how much you support me, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me. <3
There’s something I want to tell you, but I’m not sure if I should or not. You probably already figured it out, but writing it down makes it way too real. Okay… I need to stop writing because now I’m embarrassed. I hope you have an awesome day <3.
My head is spinning as I think about what it is she wants to tell me. I do have a pretty good idea, but I don’t let myself think like that because it’s too good to be true. Plus, even if what I am thinking is right, it doesn’t matter. Marjorie doesn’t actually know who I am. I forget about all of this and focus on writing my reply instead.
Hey! I’m happy to hear that you are so happy. I can’t lie though. School has been dragging for me. Winter is not my favorite. My favorite season is spring. There’s just something about the newness of it all that I love. People think of January as a fresh start, but that’s how I see spring. Flowers are blooming. The weather is getting warmer. People are losing the winter blues. Everything just feels… new. I also love sweatshirt weather and the beginning of spring has perfect hoodie weather. People always give fall the credit for that, but spring is just as good.
Anyway, no need to bore you with all the details about my love of spring. If you were excited about three chapters, just wait. Now I’ve written… four (happy dance). It’s a romance book, and I definitely have a happy ending in store for my main character and her love interest, but it’s even more so about self love. It follows the character’s journey of learning to love herself and living authentically. No, this book is not based on anyone I know in real life. Certainly not myself. Nope. Totally not. I might work up the courage to let you read it someday, but no guarantees.
As far as basketball goes, I can’t tell you much, but I do want you to know that I’m your biggest fan. I’m so proud of you, and all you’ve accomplished this year. I see how hard you work, and I’m so happy it’s paying off.
Do you ever feel like you get lost in this little world we’ve created together? I do. Not in a bad way though. In the best way possible. Here’s my confession: I’d love to spend every moment lost with you.
I need to go because that was too corny even for me.
I read the note over and over and consider taking out my confession. It’s probably too much. Way too much, actually. Marjorie could think I’m completely insane. But then again, what does it matter if she does? She doesn’t even know who I am. This is my chance to put myself out there and say fuck the consequences. So, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Fuck it. If I want to say something to Marjorie, I’m just going to do it. Aside from getting to see a side of her that I otherwise wouldn’t, that’s the other great part of these notes. I get to see a different side of myself too. I get to put myself out there in a way I’ve always been afraid to. It feels good. It feels so good, I almost want to do it in real life as well. I’m not there, but I’m getting closer, and I can’t even begin to express how good that feels.
Chapter 20
Marjorie
Can you have your parents write a note saying they’ll give you a ride home from your game but actually ride back with me? I need to talk to you.
I read Lydia’s text over and over, trying to decipher the words she’s not saying. I know this has to be about what happened on New Year’s Eve, but I’m shocked she wants to talk about it now. I was starting to think we never would since that night was over a month ago now. Barely, since February just started, but still. Lydia and I are normally very open with each other, so the fact that she told me to forget about everything she said when she woke up on New Year’s Day was surprising. I’ve respected her wishes, but things have been weird ever since. It’s almost as if she’s embarrassed to be around me now, and I honestly can’t figure out why.
Of course. I’m surprised you’re coming to my game, though. It’s almost an hour away.
Lydia’s reply comes through almost immediately. Of course I’m coming. I’m your number one fan (even if I’ve been doing a shitty job of showing it lately).
Her message is sweet, and it makes me really happy that we’re finally going to work whatever this is out. The message also makes me think of the note I got from my mystery girl where she told me that she was my biggest fan. Reading the words from her felt so much different than it does reading the same words from Lydia. When Mystery Girl said it, my heart practically ripped out of my chest and my stomach did approximately five million flips. Damn, I’m falling hard for someone I don’t even know. How did I let this happen? Why don’t I want to stop?
I’m really excited to finally have some best friend time, I write back.
Me too. You have no idea.
We write back and forth about nothing in particular, and I already feel better.
***
After my game, I’m on a high from another big win. We’ve only lost five games so far this season, so we are definitely going into the playoffs, and everyone is starting to predict that we’re going to do really well. Some people are even saying we are going to get farther than last year’s team who lost in the second round of the state playoffs. I think they might be getting a little ahead of themselves, but it’s still exciting for people to have that much faith in us.
“Ready to go, superstar?” Lydia asks as she hugs me from behind.
