Page 20 of Living For You


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I crawled underneath the blankets and wrapped them tightly around my body as if they could keep me safe from all of the feelings that were creeping into me. Feelings I couldn’t even acknowledge, because they were feelings I wasn’t able to have. That I wouldn’t have. That I can’t have. Instead, I would just drink my water, take some medicine, and wake up with a sober mind—a mind that didn’t let touches and words get under my skin.

“Here you go.” Tori held out both hands. One held a bottle of water and the other held two Tylenol. I put the Tylenol in my mouth then took the top off the water bottle and took a big sip.

Tori stared down at me as I continued to take big gulps of water. She tilted her head and bit her lip as if she was considering what to say or maybe if she wanted to say whatever she was thinking. Part of me hoped she wouldn’t, but that part didn’t win, because soon she opened her mouth to speak. “I’m sorry I got so weird earlier.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as if I didn’t know the exact moment she was talking about. The truth was that I hoped my question might get her to change her mind about whatever she was about to say, mostly because I was worried about what I might say back.

“When you made the joke about Willow not caring if I stole you. I guess… Well, I… I don’t know. I’m drunk and I’m just being weird. I’m sorry.” Tori pointed her thumb toward the door. “I’m going to go help Marley clean up a bit so there isn’t as much to do tomorrow. Sleep tight, Rosemary.”

“Yeah, uh, you too.” I squeezed my eyes shut. Idiot.

Sleep was not happening, no matter how hard I tried. I kept my eyes shut, hoping it would take over eventually, so when Tori walked back into the house, I had no idea what time it was.

I listened as she rustled around, opening and closing cabinets, and running from one room to another. After a little bit, things became quiet, so I assumed that meant she went to bed. That was until I heard the light sound of footsteps walking toward me. “Rosemary?” Tori whispered into the dark room.

Even though I was wide awake, I didn’t make a sound in response. I thought Tori would walk away, but instead, she lifted my blankets and crawled onto the couch, squeezing herself in behind me. “Rosemary?” she whispered once again. When I didn’t answer, she spoke again, but this time, her voice was even more hushed. “I lied earlier. I know exactly why I was weird. I know you were only joking about Willow being okay with me stealing you, but I kind of wish I could.”

My body tensed up under Tori’s touch, but I still didn’t say anything, because what was I supposed to say to that? There was no way Tori meant that in the way it sounded like she did.

For a moment, I thought about asking her what she meant, but before I could, she stood up off the couch and walked back out of the room. When I opened my eyes a minute later, there was nothing but a dark room.

I closed my eyes once again, hoping to wake up and find that this was nothing but a very strange dream.

Chapter 7

November 24, 2022

Almost a month had passed since Tori and I crashed the wedding, and I still had no idea if I had dreamed up the confession she’d made into the dark room that night.

She hadn’t mentioned it since, and was acting normal. Kind of. She was acting like Tori, but not the Tori I had come to know recently. She hadn’t slept next to me since that night, but was that really that strange? In actuality, it was probably more strange that we had been in the habit of sleeping with each other almost every night. It obviously wasn’t going to last forever. Maybe I did something to give her the impression that I didn’t need it anymore, which wasn’t the case. The truth was, every night when I crawled into bed, I wished she would end up in my room. I was lonely without her arms around me. I missed her. I could barely sleep this past month, but that was a combination of missing her and then chastising myself over the fact that she was the one I was missing, rather than my deceased wife. Of course, I missed Willow every day, but it was Tori’s arms I was waiting for at night.

As if she knew I was thinking about her, Tori showed up at my doorway at that very moment. “Happy Thanksgiving, babe. When are you heading over to the Stones’ house?”

I looked at my watch and saw that it was just past ten. “Probably about an hour or so. Are the girls still playing nicely in their room?”

Tori smirked. “Believe it or not, they are. I haven’t heard a peep from them in almost a half hour.”

My stomach dropped, because it was normally a bad sign if you didn’t hear toddlers. I pictured the wall of their room covered in drawings and the two of them covered in whatever they could find to make a mess with.

Tori put her hand in the air. “I guess I should add that I checked on them before coming over here, and they weren’t doing anything bad. They were watching something on Bella’s tablet, hence the quiet.”

I put my hand on my chest and blew out a long breath. “You really should have led with that.”

Tori’s smile grew even bigger. “What can I say? I like to watch you squirm.”

“What time are you two leaving?”

Tori shrugged. “Who knows. My mother said lunch would be ready at noon, but I’m really not in any hurry to get over there. Both of Rick’s kids are coming with their families. I’m sure my mom will make a bunch of backhanded comments about how much better they are than me. Can’t wait for that.”

I was still surprised Tori was going to their house for Thanksgiving. Normally, she spent the day with Willow’s family as well. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she was going there to avoid me, but that really didn’t make any sense. We lived together. Avoidance was pretty much impossible.

“There’s always a place for you at the Stones’ house. Don’t forget that. If things get too unbearable, you should just leave and come join us.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Tori flashed me her trademark smile, but the tone of her voice told me there was no way she was actually going to do that. “I’ll leave you alone so you can keep getting ready. Have a good day.”

“Thanks. You, too.” When Tori turned to leave, I immediately felt the loss. “Hey, Tori?”

Tori immediately turned back around and tilted her head as she waited to hear what I had to say.

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