Page 52 of Preacher

"I should have pushed her off the moment she got there. I can assure you that I never fucked her. You're the only one I've been with."

She glances away, her eyes filled with tears. "Okay," she says softly. "I only came here to let you know that I've decided on having a paternity test."

Relief washes through me. Fuck, I thought I'd have to talk to her about it again, but she's here and giving it to me. "Thank you."

She nods. "But we're done," she says harshly. "I don't want to see you or even speak to you. You want this, then you're paying for it. I've got four kids to support. I don't have the money to do this shit."

"Whatever you need," I reply instantly. "How much is it?"

She lifts her shoulders and shrugs. "I don't know. I'm booked in for next week to have it done. I mean what I said, Preacher. I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to see you."

I swallow hard. It fucking sucks hearing her say those words. "You've got it."

She shakes her head. "You really are a fucking dickhead, aren't you?" The look of utter disgust on her face makes me want to fucking hide. She hates me. I can see how badly I've fucked up. "Why can't you fight? I mean, do you actually care about me?"

I don't say anything. If she knew the truth, it would give her false hope. That's something I don't want to give her. I want her. Christ, I've never wanted anyone as much as I want her. But I'm too fucked up for anything other than fucking. I'm so twisted deep inside that I'd hurt her more than if I weren't with her.

The tears fall down her face unchecked, and she shakes her head before turning around and climbing into her car. She doesn't say a word to me as she backs out of the parking lot and drives away.

I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to Ailbhe. I never wanted to hurt her. Fuck, it's the last thing I want, but it's all that I seem to be able to do.

I have no fucking idea what's going to happen now. What if that paternity test comes back positive? What happens then?

Christ, I can't do this. I really can't fucking do this. It feels as though everything that I've done is crumbling down around me. How do I always manage to fuck everything up?

I need help, and there's only one person I know who can help me.

Fuck. It's time to go home and regroup. I need Reaper to help set me straight. He's the only one who truly knows me and he'll give me the kick up the ass that I need. But that means going back and seeing Tyson. Can I manage that?

Fuck.

CHAPTER19

AILBHE

"You feeling better?" Tamara asks with a smile as she wraps her arms around me.

I'm finally back at work and I'm feeling better. I'm stronger, and I'm able to eat and drink without vomiting it all back up. It's been weeks since I was in hospital, and thankfully, I'm back to normal. The pregnancy is progressing nicely and the baby is growing perfectly. Yesterday, I had the paternity test. It's going to take a few days for the results to come back.

"I'm feeling better," I promise her.

She grins. "Good. It's been lonely around here without you. Kelsie has gone part-time and I only see her a few times a week now."

"Yeah, I haven't seen her in a while. She has texted a few times to check in." It's shit that she's not here full-time, but I'm proud of her. She's doing what she loves. She's worked her arse off and she's achieving her dream.

"So what's happening with you and Preacher? Last I heard he asked for a paternity test."

I groan. I called Tamara the night it happened and unloaded everything on her. She's been there for me throughout everything I'm going through. She's been a rock and I'm lucky to have her. Hell, I'm lucky as hell to have Tamara and my family. They've kept me sane the past few weeks.

"Oh no. What the hell happened?"

I quickly replay everything that's happened, trying my hardest not to cry again. I've done that enough. I've made myself a promise not to shed any more tears over Preacher. The man's caused me enough pain as it is. "I've not heard from him since I left the clubhouse."

She shakes her head. "Damn, what the hell is wrong with him? I mean, it's not as though you've put any pressure on him. You've basically told him you're not wanting anything from him, so why's he acting this way?"

I lean backward. "Ugh, if you find out, can you let me know? I'm sick of trying to work out what's going through his head. It's hard enough to work out my own mind, let alone his."

"For me, I'm focusing on ensuring the baby's okay and I get through this pregnancy, and that the kids are all okay."

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