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I've decided that I'm only focusing on myself and my family. Preacher's a grown fucking man and he's accountable for his own actions, and I can't change them or make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I'm not going to chase him, nor am I going to be the one to cry and weep and make him feel guilty for whatever the hell he's doing. No. I'm staying strong and focusing on myself, my baby, and my family.
"Look at you," she beams with pride. "I'm so damn proud of you."
I return the smile. It took a while for me to be okay with the decision I've made, but it's the right one to make and I'm at peace with it.
"It's time to get to work," I tell her. "I need to make money. I need to pay Jed, and the prick will no doubt come to the house if I'm not paid in full on Monday morning."
"That bastard needs to go to hell. Your dad's a dick for putting you in that position, Ailbhe. No way in hell my dad would do that to me. I'm pretty sure my mam would kill him if he ever tried."
"Yeah, well my parents aren't exactly the best now, are they? They never were fit enough to become parents, and they only made things worse by popping out more and more children over the years."
"Are you worried about what's going to happen when the baby comes?" she asks as she reaches for my hand. "It's going to be tough. You'll have six children under eighteen living in your house and you'll be working nights. That's rough going."
"With Ruairi helping me pay off Da's debt, we should have it paid off by the time the baby arrives. When the time comes for me to be back to work, I'll be able to afford to pay a babysitter to watch the children while I'm working."
She gifts me a soft, sweet smile. "You've really been thinking hard about this, haven't you?"
I nod. "I have. Ruairi's also let me know that he can help whenever I need it. Which I adore, but I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable putting that much pressure on him."
I love my brother, but he's not at ease around our brother and sisters as it is. I wouldn't want to add another child to the mix to add to that pressure he's feeling. It's not fair, and I would hate if someone did it to me. Paying for a qualified child minder who knows what they’re doing isn't going to make me destitute, not after the debt Da's in has been paid off. It would probably be cheaper to pay the child minder a week’s wages than to pay his debt.
"Your brother is hot. You really need to introduce him to me."
I roll my eyes. "Girl, you are not going there. You are a queen. I love my brother but you are so much better than that."
She waves me away. "I like them rough, and from everything I've heard, girl, he is rough with a capital R."
I can't contain my laughter. "Girl, really?"
She giggles like a schoolgirl. "Really. So do me a favor and introduce me to him."
"Fine, you've got it. I'll introduce you to him. But I'm warning you. Ruairi is a player and I don't want you to get hurt."
"I won't. I can keep my feelings out of it, babe. So don't worry about me, okay?"
They're both adults and they're able to do whatever they want. I can't control anyone and I shouldn't try to. So if she wants to get to know Ruairi, I'm not going to stop her.
She bounces away from me, smiling and giddy. I love seeing her so happy. This is all I want, for those that I love to be happy.
* * *
"Ready?" Tamara asks hours later. I'm dead on my feet and ready to drop. It's been a good day. I've managed to work a full shift and make some good money. I should be able to have the money to pay Jed this week, especially with Ruairi chipping in and helping out.
"I'm ready," I say as I reach for my bag. I'm a little disappointed that Preacher wasn't here. I thought he would be. I really thought that he'd be here. It shows me yet again that I really don't know him. I keep getting my hopes up and they're getting dashed each and every time.
"Forget about him, babe," Tamara whispers. "He's not worth the pain."
He truly isn't worth the bloody pain. It's just hard. Whenever I think there's a glimmer of hope that he'll change or show up, he doesn't and I'm left reeling. I need to stop setting myself up for failure.
"Ailbhe," Wrath greets me as we exit the club. He's around a lot more than he used to be. Since Preacher found out I'm pregnant, he's not been around the club. Instead, either Wrath or Pyro have been here. I know they're watching me, that they're keeping an eye on me.
"Hey," I say as I walk past him toward my car.
"You got a minute?" he asks, and my steps falter.
"I'll talk to you later, okay?" Tamara says as she carries on walking toward her father's car that's parked waiting for her.
"Bye, honey, I'll see you later," I reply and turn back to Wrath. "What's wrong?"
