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“Ha!” she barked. Then she said it again, but softer when someone carrying a couple of folding chairs looked their way. “Ha! Let’s not pretend you’re upset about it. You thought he wasn’t good for me, remember? You thought a long-distance relationship with a drummer wouldn’t make me happy. Well, guess what?”I will not cry. I. Will. Not. Cry.“It did!”
“Mira, I’m sorry.” To his credit, he did look contrite. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Well, you did.”
He ran a hand through his perfect hair and blew out a breath, then admitted, “Believe it or not, I was jealous, because you did seem happy. Then I realized it was shitty of me to be jealous of your happiness when I’m happy too. But,” his jaw muscles flickered, “I always thought it would be me making you happy.”
“What?” Mira scoffed. “If you wanted to make me happy, then why did you leave?”
“I…didn’t,” he said. Each millimeter his frown deepened, each small shake of his head, reeled the ground back up to her feet. “The way I remember it, you ended things with me, not the other way around.”
“That’s not,” she started to say before he stepped closer to her, his hand swinging forward before returning to his side, like he was considering reaching for her but thought better of it.
“That’s what I wanted to tell you at Ashley and Madigan’s wedding, when we were out on the deck. But, I don’t know. It didn’t seem like the right time.” His fingers flexed at his sides. “That’s not true. Honestly, I chickened out and acted like an ass. I’m sorry about that too, by the way. I’ve felt like shit since the wedding. But I need you to know that Ineverwanted to break up with you.”
The park around her spun, the entire world lapsing into silence. “Paul—”
“Because I was crazy about you,” he went on despite the very real possibility that she was going to pass out. “I would have done just about anything to stay with you. And when I saw you here today, I had to tell you. I had to say something.”
“But it’s not true.” Her palms itched. “None of that is true. You left me. You moved on.”
“Because you told me you’d be too busy for a relationship. After you said—no, youdecided—it would be too hard on us, too hard on me, to try and stay together when you’d be so busy running the bakery and taking care of your mom, that’s when I left. You shut me out, Mira. And sure, okay, you never technically broke up with me, but I can take a hint.”
Inch by inch, Mira’s jaw dropped until it found a home in the grass at her feet.
“I never wanted to leave you. But it felt like you didn’t want me to stay. I realized, after I left, that I shouldn’t have given up so easily. I should have fought for us.”
Her mom’s words banged between her ears like drumbeats.I should have tried harder. I shouldn’t have been so scared.
“But I was kind of devastated, and it all felt like it was too late. Like your mind was made up.”
“Too…late.” Her throat spasmed.
“Are you okay? Shit, Mira. You’re really pale. Do you want to sit down? I can get you a chair.”
He was still talking, but she barely heard him. Because it was her. It wasn’t Paul. It wasn’t Cole. It was all her.
Paul had wanted to stay, but she’d pushed him out of her life. Cole wanted to be with her, and she’d pushed him out too. Was she so afraid of ending up alone, so convinced everyone would leave her, that she didn’t even give them the chance to prove her wrong? Was it some sort of hereditary emotional damage handed down through the generations? “Jesus, I’m just like my mother.”
“Whoa,” Paul said, his eyes comically wide. “I didnotsay that.”
“Cole told me he wanted to move to Red Falls. He told me he loved me. He put his whole entire heart in my hands”—she swayed on her feet—“and I shoved him out the door with a fucking cupcake as a parting gift!”
Paul’s horrified grimace was the indictment she deserved. “A cupcake?”
Doubling over, she braced her hands on her knees and tried not to throw up.
“It’s okay,” he said in a soothing voice. “It’s going to be okay. It’s—”
Hauling herself upright, she grasped the lapels of his summer weight jacket and shook him bodily. “Is it too late? Tell me it’s not too late.”
“How long ago did he leave?”
“Ten days.” Was that all? It felt like a lifetime.
“It’s not too late,” Paul told her. “I waited months. Although,” he reconsidered, “the cupcake might be a tough one to get over.”
“Don’t make fun of me. I’m in the middle of a full-blown existential crisis right now.”
