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“Rule number five: We don’t have guests or overnight visitors without approval.” Tapping his fingers on the counter, Cole said, “I bet that one leads to some awkward conversations.”
“You have no idea.”
He could, though, have an idea. “What do I do if one of the guys wants a visitor?”
Opening and closing the top dresser drawer, Madigan said, “I have a list of approved visitors. If someone isn’t on the list, call me. I’ll have my phone with me at all times. But as long as they’re on the list, they’re good.”
After reading rule number eleven—We don’t break our host’s stuff—Cole pushed himself off the counter. “What happens if they break a rule? Is there a punishment? I’m not, like, a disciplinarian.” A punk to his core, Cole only had one rule in his house: Always question authority. He’d even had an agreement with Becks when she was growing up that he couldn’t put her in timeout or ground her unless he was able to convince herwhyher actions deserved the punishment. It wasn’t an easy way to parent, but Becks got the lesson to never follow anyone blindly. And she’d learned to argue like a courtroom lawyer.
Madigan slid the middle drawer closed. “If anyone breaks the first rule, call me immediately. For the other rules, some repercussions are necessary. Otherwise, chaos reigns. But you can get creative with it. I’ve made them find a poem that resonates with them and read it out loud in group. Or make friendship bracelets for the rest of the men; that’s a fun one. And if all else fails, there’s always bathroom duty.”
Cole shuddered bodily, the idea of making grown men scrub bathroom floors because they said the wordfuckoffending him deeply and on multiple levels.
Ignoring his appalled expression, Madigan opened the bottom dresser drawer and said, “The new guy, Thom, is on laundry shift this month, so he’ll take your clothes to the lodge once a week. But you’ve got plenty of towels, and Ashley put a second set of sheets in this drawer.”
“I can do my own laundry, Mad.”
“Up to you. But don’t make the mistake of discounting how important it is for these guys to have duties and expectations. A sense of purpose can be hard to come by, and boredom is not our friend.”
“That makes sense.”
“So.” Turning to face him, Mad stood to his full height, those three extra inches he had on Cole feeling more like a solid foot. “What questions do you have?”
What questionsdidn’the have? “Davis and Maude Alice will be here the whole time, right?”
Madigan nodded. “Mace left for summer camp last week, and Shannon’s taking some time off, but Davis and Maude Alice are here. Davis is out mountain biking right now, otherwise I’m sure she’d be chatting you up already. Maude Alice can help you with the home, but Davis can’t. She’s not on the contract and hasn’t signed the confidentiality agreement. And”—he ran a hand through his hair—“it’s complicated, because of Kev. Speaking of which, I don’t know what it is yet, but I think something’s going on with them.”
“Things seemed…strained between them at your wedding,” Cole admitted.
Mad nodded. “It all started when Clay left. Clay and Kev were roommates. They were close, and I think Kev relied on Clay as his emotional support more than he’d realized. He’s been quieter, more withdrawn since Clay moved back home. Whenever I ask him how he’s doing, he says he’s fine, but I don’t know. I’m sure whatever’s going on with him and Davis will work itself out one way or another. But relationships can be tough on addicts, especially for someone like Kev.”
When Madigan sat on the edge of the bed, Cole sat beside him.
“Kev has not had an easy life,” Madigan continued. “His history, his parents…” He shook his head. “But he’s always happy, or at least he’s trying very hard tolooklike he’s always happy. Sometimes, with guys like Kev, they end up doing and saying whatever they think everyone around them wants them to do or say so they’ll stay under the radar. Sometimes, it’s what they did so they could use without anyone catching on to them. Sometimes, it’s how they learned to survive in bad homes. Either way, I’m worried there’s something beneath the surface that Kev hasn’t dealt with yet, and by smiling and laughing and pleasing everyone around him, he’s convincing us not to look too hard for it.”
In some deep, barely conscious way, Cole understood that more than he wanted to.
“Hopefully I’m wrong,” Mad said. “But I worry. It’s hard to stay clean when an addict has feelings they’re refusing to feel. The emotions, the memories, they tend to find a way out, and when they do, no matter how many coping mechanisms I might teach these guys, I can’t compete with the way drugs erase”—he waved a hand through the air—“everything. I’ve never been sure what kind of relationship Kev and Davis have, whether it’s romantic or they’re only close friends. I think it’s possible they aren’t sure either. But if they’re getting serious, if she’s making him feel things—”
“He might be pulling away, just so he doesn’t have to.”
Mad nodded. “I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s like Fort Knox. And he refuses to try therapy because he insists there’s nothing wrong.”
Remembering his attempts to talk to Davis at the wedding, Cole thought Kev wasn’t the only one of them locked up tight. “I’ll keep an eye on him,” he said, even though he wasn’t entirely sure what to look for.
“I know you will.” Madigan clapped a big hand over his knee. “You know, it’s hard leaving the home, but it helps knowing it’s you looking after it for me.”
The hand on Cole’s knee turned heavy as lead, the hours and days he’d fantasized about spending with Mira vanishing, replaced by group sessions and bathroom buckets. Because this was a big deal, being here. Watching over these men was a huge deal. And he would not let them or Madigan down. “I’ll do my best.”
“It’s all we can do.” Standing from the bed, Madigan leaned back against the dresser. “And by the way,” he said, his lips twitching beneath his beard, “you don’t have to be on the premises twenty-four hours a day, and you don’t need my permission to have overnight guests.”
He really was a mind reader.
“Just make sure to let Davis and Maude Alice know if you’re leaving and when you’ll be back.”
“Are you sure?” Cole asked, trying to hide his excitement, his odd, horny guilt. “It’s not a problem if you need me to be here and only here.”
“You should definitely be on-site during working hours, especially while they’re on the trails. But if you tell me that you’ll put the guys first, and that you’ll be here for them when they need you, that’s all I need to know.”
