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“You want me to wait?You want me to just sit around and let you decide if you want me or her?”
“I want you to give me a fucking chance to sort my head out.I need time.Fuck, you have no idea what this is like.A bit of understanding would go a long fuckin’ way.”
Her eyes grow sad, and fuck, it hurts.
It kills me to see her like this.
“I understand, I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that you made a choice to lie to me and if I didn’t find out, I don’t even know how long that lie would have gone on,” she whispers, “I’m not waiting for you.I have had so much shit in my life, Brian.I don’t deserve this, and I won’t sit around praying you’ll choose me.It shouldn’t even be a choice.”
“She was my wife,” I grind out.
“And I’m your wifenow.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
“I know that.Fuck, you think I don’t know that.I love you, Janine.But right now, my head is a mess and it’s swimmin’ with feelings I can’t make sense of.Can you just give me some fuckin’ time?”
Shaking her head, she looks sadly at me.“I’m not waiting.Go, take your time, but know that if I’m what you choose, I won’t be here.”
“So that’s it then?You’re willin’ to throw everything away?”
“I didn’t throw anything away,” she says, walking to the door and pushing it open.“You did.Your ten minutes is up.”
“Fuck me, Jaybird, I’m not leavin’.Don’t fuckin’ do this.”
“Okay, Muff,” she whispers, her eyes pained, “how about this?I won’t do it, if you can stand here and tell me that it is me you choose, and that you will deal with her and we can go back to life without her in it, then I’ll give you a chance.”
Her words are like a sledgehammer to the heart because she knows I can’t follow through with it.She knows it, and she’s asking it of me anyway.
“That’s unfair.”
Shaking her head, she pushes the door wider.“What’s unfair is one minute I had a husband and a family, and the next, I didn’t.Leave.”
“I’m not leavin’ you like this.”
“If you don’t, I’ll call the police.”
I jerk, her words hitting me like a punch to the fucking face.
The emptiness in her eyes scares me, it fuckin’ scares me because I’m afraid she means it.
Would she really throw it all away?
Have I really lost her?
How did my life go from amazing in one second, to completely fucking broken in the next?
And how the hell am I meant to fix it?
~*~*~*~*~
“WHEN THE FUCK WEREyou goin’ to tell us?”Jackson growls, bringing a cigarette to his lips and inhaling, his eyes traveling over me.
“Not your business, Jacks.It’s mine.”
“It is our business when those women are runnin’ off to different cities to follow you.”
