AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I glance at Cade, who is studying me, his eyes narrowed.“Janine matters to us, brother.”
“You think she doesn’t fuckin’ matter to me?”
“Know she matters to you, that’s not what he’s sayin’,” Spike cuts in.“What he’s sayin’ is that you should have told us so we could have advised you on how to handle this shit without blowin’ your entire life up.”
“I had a wife, I thought she was dead, now she’s back.Tell me, how the fuck I was going to deal with that without blowing my life up?”
“You be honest with your wife.”Jackson shrugs.“You should have told her, a long fuckin’ time ago, that you were married and she died.Wouldn’t have been so bad then.”
Glaring at Jackson, I pull out a cigarette of my own.“Thanks for your fuckin’ fantastic advice, Jackson, but I didn’t ask for it.What’s done is done, now I’ve got to figure out how the fuck to fix all of this.”
“You love that woman?”Spike questions, crossing his arms, his eyes narrowing.
“She was my wife.When she died, yeah, I fuckin’ loved her.Loved her with everything I had.I grieved, I moved on, but I never forgot about her.You of all people should understand.If Cheyenne came back, are you tellin’ me you’d just shrug it off?”
Spike flinches, and I know it’s a low blow, but if anyone should understand how I feel, it’s him.He was married and he lost his wife.It nearly fucking killed him.Now, he’s in love again, and I want to know how much that would change if she suddenly reappeared.It’s not an unfair question, even if it does piss him off.
“Watch it,” Spike growls.
“Answer the question,” I throw at him.“Tell me how you’d handle your life, as it is, right now, if Cheyenne suddenly showed up alive.”
“I can’t fuckin’ answer that because I know for fuckin’ certain she’s dead,” Spike snaps.
“Enough.”Jackson puts a hand up, moving his gaze to me.“What Spike would do doesn’t matter, what matters now is how you’re goin’ to handle this.”
“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be here,” I grunt, inhaling deep, letting the smoke fill my lungs in a pitiful attempt to take the pain away.
My heart is fucking breaking.
My mind is utter chaos.
“You can’t make her disappear,” Cade adds, leaning a hip against the counter.“So, you gotta deal with her.Decide how you want to proceed.Then, you need to fix shit with Janine.”
Sounds simple.
It really isn’t.
“Janine is fuckin’ broken,” I mutter.“I fuckin’ broke her.”
“You love her,” Jackson says, his voice careful.“Wouldn’t matter if you didn’t.But you can’t give her your everything until you’ve dealt with the other woman and your feelings toward her.Only way to figure that out, is to go and spend time with her, talk to her, figure your shit out.”
The thing that scares me about that is that I might feel for Harper the way I used to, and then I’ll be even more confused.I love Janine, I have no doubt about it, but what if I love Harper, too?How the fuck do I choose?Do I walk away from both to save the hurt, or do I just go with what feels right?
At the moment, the thought of losing Janine is crushing.
It’s ripping my soul apart.
I can’t get her out of my head.
“Need a beer,” I mutter, turning and walking inside the house.
One thing is for sure, alcohol might drown out the feelings eating me alive.
For a time, at least.
