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10 – Muff
“THAT’S INCREDIBLE.”
Staring down at Ebony’s science experiment, I can’t help but be proud of how far she has come.She hasn’t had it easy, but she’s a bright light, and one day, she’ll shine that light over the world and make a difference.
“Thanks,” she murmurs, her face all scrunched up as she glues a bead to her project.
“I’m going to talk to Mom, okay?I’ll be back in before dinner.”
She nods, and I push to my feet, leaving her room.Passing Max’s room, I peer in to make sure he’s still asleep.He’s in his crib, chubby arms above his head, sound asleep.He’ll stay like that all night because he’s a good baby.He’s the best kind.The one you would have a thousand of and it would still never be enough.
Fuckin’ miss him, and Ebony.
It kills me not being here with them all the time.
Rounding the corner into the kitchen, I find Janine just serving up dinner.She has barely spoken to me, and I can see that she has spent the afternoon crying.Her eyes are red, and her face is swollen.I fucking hate that she’s hurting, but more than that, I hate that she won’t talk to me.I fucked up, I know I did, but not being able to be here with her, or for her, is gut wrenching.
“You need help?”
She shakes her head quickly, not turning to look at me.
She avoids eye contact at all times.
I know she hates that I’m here for dinner.
“No.”
Her voice is clipped, and fuck, I know she’s hurting but her not talking to me is fucking painful.
“Janine, can you at least look at me when I’m talkin’ to you?”
I can see her hand shaking as she turns toward me, her eyes puffy and red.“Talk to you?Talk to you?You shouldn’t even be here, Brian.You shouldn’t be in this house because when you’re here, I can’t fucking ...”Her knees shake as she presses a hand over her mouth and tears flow down her cheeks.
Fuck.
Taking a step forward, I catch her as she falls, a broken sob ripping from her chest.I never wanted to do this to her, I never wanted her to hurt.That’s why I wanted to keep it secret, to try and deal with it and have her not know.Stupid plan, I know, but seeing her like this makes me want to tear the world apart just to make her feel safe again.
