AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Her tiny body curls into mine as I squat down, holding her against me.She trembles, her face in my chest, her beautiful hair flowing down around her back.I curl my hand in it, bringing my face down to it and breathing her in.I miss her.The ache in my chest is so strong I don’t know if I can go a single second longer without her.
The moment I have that thought, Harper’s face flashes through my mind.
Why the fuck did she have to come and make things so complicated?
My life was good.
It was.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” I murmur into her hair.“I’m fuckin’ sorry.”
“I want you home,” she sobs.“I want this to all go away.I need you, Muff.I can’t breathe without you.”
Her words sting and my eyes burn as a lump forms in my throat.
Can I do it?Tell Harper to go, to move on with her life, and come home?Am I truly okay with that decision?I don’t fucking know.I have never felt more confused in my entire life.Seeing Harper again raised an old part of me I thought was gone, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel anything toward her—but Janine, she’s fucking special to me, and I love her.
I don’t know if it matters anymore.
I don’t know if she will ever take me back.
“Never wanted to hurt you, Jaybird,” I murmur, swiping a tear away with my thumb.“You gotta know that.”
“But you did hurt me, and that hurt won’t leave,” she whispers, her big, beautiful eyes wide as she looks up at me.
Fuck.
“I just need some time.”
Those words have her pushing away from me and to her feet, then she’s gone without looking back, the front door slamming.Exhaling, I glance down the hall as I stand, making sure Ebony isn’t watching, and then I follow her out.I find her outside by my truck, leaning against it, a soft trickle of rain pouring down and making her hair stick to her face as she stares down at her feet.
“Do you love her, Muff?”
Stopping in front of her, I put a hand on the truck beside her head and lean in.“I loved her, but askin’ me how I feel now is impossible.I thought she was dead, I moved on, but that didn’t mean I stopped caring.I’m still in shock, I don’t know how to fuckin’ feel about anything.”
“But you’re not sure what you want.”
Her eyes meet mine.
“Again, I can’t answer that fuckin’ question.I’m still tryin’ to work out how my ex-wife came back from the dead, and sort through all the feelings that brings.Can’t you understand that?”
“You broke me.”
She looks down, and I catch her chin in my hand, lifting her head back up.“You know you matter to me, Jaybird.I love you, that ain’t a lie.”
“But you can’t promise me that it’s only me ...”
Growling, I close my eyes and fight for calm.
“I just told you,” I grind out, “I’m tryin’ to work through something I never saw coming.If I died, the way you love me, and you moved on and then I showed back up, are you tellin’ me you’d just send me on my way, not a single thought?”
She flinches.“That’s unfair.You’re the love of my life.There would never be anyone else but you.”
“And she was mine,” I snap.“But it fuckin’ turns out, you can have more than one.”
Janine’s eyes widen, and hurt washes over her features.She shoves me, her tiny hands on my chest as she pushes me backward.Anger bubbles out of her as she yells, an agonized sound, something I’ve never heard come from her lips.I know I’ve destroyed a piece of her, but I’m not going to lie.I’m not going to give her false hope.I just want to figure this out.That’s all I want.
“I said shewas,” I growl, catching her wrists in my hands to stop another shove coming my way.“Because back then, that was the damn truth.I didn’t think there was anyone else for me.It was only her.”
