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What the fuck am I going to do?
11 – Janine
“YOU’RE DRUNK, HONEY.Are you sure you want to come in?”
Addison’s eyes travel over my face, and Cade stands by her side, his head tipped slightly, watching too.Serenity and Jackson are in front of us, waiting in the line to get into the sex club.Spike told them about it, and they decided they were going to come in and have a go.I decided I was going to, also.Why the hell not, right?
I haven’t had a night out in over a month now.
That’s how long it has been.
I haven’t spoken to or seen Muff in that time.
It hasn’t eased the hurt, not even a little bit.
It’s not for a lack of trying.He has called, showed up, banged on my door, tried to catch me at the club, but my determination far outweighs his, and I have managed to avoid him.
Each night I go visit my mom after dinner and Serenity comes by to sit with the kids while Muff comes and tucks them into bed.He does this every night, and I don’t stop him.He loves them, and what’s going on between us has nothing to do with them.He takes them some weekends and they go and stay with him, but I always make sure one of the girls or my mom does the handover.
I just can’t face him.
I know, eventually, I’ll have to, because I can’t avoid him forever.
Right now, though, I just can’t.
The thoughts of what he and Harper are doing haunt me every night, and I know he’s probably with her by now.
Why wouldn’t he be?
She’s beautiful and perfect and I haven’t even given him a chance to come back.
My heart is blocked off, and when I get to that point, it’s hard for me to come back.
Not my best personality trait.
“I’m fine,” I answer Addison, offering her a fake smile.“I’m not that drunk and I’m allowed to go in.It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong.”
