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I’m not safe.
Not even a little.
~*~*~*~*~
“ISHOULDN’T BE HERE, I know, but I really wanted the chance to talk with you.”
Staring at the woman standing at my door, I can’t stop the angry twisting of my heart.I’m not mad at her, but seeing her only makes everything come rushing back.It makes the pain rise to the surface, and as I take her in, in all her beauty, I can’t help but think about his hands on her body.
It’s soul crushing.
“I’m not sure this is a good idea, Harper,” I say, my fingers gripping the door as I fight to stay sane.
“Please, I don’t want to cause any problems.I just want ...I don’t know, to talk to you.”
What is there for us to talk about?
What could she possibly want from me?
Curiosity is stronger than my need for her to leave, though, and I push the door open and let her in.Max is in his playpen, and I watch her eyes move to him as she steps inside.Her eyes widen and soften, and I know she sees what the rest of the world sees—a junior Muff.
“I won’t keep you long.”She turns to face me.“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for everything that has happened.When I came back, I didn’t know he was married.I never wanted to cause so much pain.”
“But you did, and when you found out he was married, you didn’t leave.You should have left.You should have let him keep the life he had, because we were happy, Harper.”
“Then why is he so confused?”
Her words are like a slap to the face, and my back straightens.“If you’re here to make things worse, then you can leave.I’ve been through enough.”
“I’m sorry,” she says quickly, “I’m just ...gosh, I don’t know.I’m just so confused.When I got put into protection, he was the only thing that kept me going.Of course, I knew he would probably move on, but seeing him again ...I love him so much, Janine.”
My heart twists, a sick feeling swirling through my stomach.“I know that feeling.”
She offers a careful but kind smile.“I don’t know how to move forward from this.Part of me thinks I should just leave and let him have his life, but the thought of never seeing him again is soul crushing.I don’t want to hurt anyone, and yet it’s all I’m doing.”
Dammit.
Why does she make it so hard to not like her?
She’s so kind, so beautiful, her soul is pure, and it makes me see why he loved her in the first place.
“I wish I had an answer,” I say, rubbing my upper arms, “but I’m just so hurt right now.I can barely breathe; the pain is so intense.I don’t know how to make you feel better, when all I want is for you to disappear.”
Her eyes grow sad.“That’s fair.”
“Look, I don’t know why you’re here, but nothing I can say is going to make this any better.”
She hesitates, rubbing her hand over her stomach, and before she even speaks, I know what she’s going to say.“I think I’m pregnant, Janine.”
I feel as though I’ve been sucker punched.It’s as if a fist is driven into my chest, sending me reeling back.I can’t breathe as the air is all sucked out of my lungs.Pain, unlike anything I’ve felt, washes over me, and my knees grow weak as tears burn under my eyelids.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers.
“I need you to leave,” I manage, my voice so tight it comes out as nothing more than a throaty croak.“Now.”
She turns, rushing to the door.When she reaches it, she looks back at me.“I’m sorry.”
Biting down onto my tongue, I don’t say another word as she leaves.
