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Her face flames brighter, and she looks back down at the menu before clearing her throat. “I’m leaning toward pancakes. Do they still bring out that warm syrup?”
“Lori?” She hums without looking up at me, and I reach across the table to take her hand. “Hey.” Her shoulders rise and fall as she takes a deep breath, her hooded eyes landing on me. “I wasn’t talking about the food.”
“Oh.” Her back straightens and she pushes it into the booth, her hand slipping from mine. “What are we talking about then?”
“You and me. What comes next.”
“Next? You mean after food, right? Because I was promised food, and now I have a hankering for some of these pancakes.”
“I wouldn’t dream of standing in the way of you and food.”
She giggles. “Smart man.”
“I was thinking a little past that.”
“Oh,” she says, giving me a sultry smile that contradicts the shyness in her eyes. “Are you saying you’re finally ready to show me what you’re working with?”
I cough, nearly choking on my water as I shake my head. “No. Well, yes. But that isn’t where I was going with this conversation.”
She crosses her arms. “Do you plan on getting to said point anytime soon?”
My nerves start to get the best of me, and I rub the back of my neck, letting out a nervous chuckle. “The thing is, I have feelings for you. I think I’ve felt something for you since the first time I laid eyes on you in the coffee shop. But that’s grown and expanded into something more. Which is exactly what I want. More.”
She sighs, her lips pressing together as she swallows. “You’re always wanting more from me.”
“That’s true, I can’t seem to get enough when it comes to you. But I need to know what you’re thinking.”
“About what?”
“What comes next for us.”
“This is all a little new for me, so you’re going to have to be a lot clearer on what you’re talking about. Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” Her tone is mocking, but there’s a nervous waver in her voice.
“Yeah. I guess I am.”
“Oh.” Her stare falls to the table. “I don’t. Wow. Um. I haven’t been asked to be someone’s girlfriend since I was fourteen.” She places her hands in her lap, rubbing them up and down her legs before she lifts her eyes to meet mine. “Maybe now isn’t the right time. You know, I think that we should give Cat some time to come around.”
Fear swirls in my gut, dread weighing heavy on my chest. “And if she doesn’t? What happens then?”
“I don’t know.”
ILLUSIONS OF ASH
The secrets were slowly eating away at me. Jim had officially betrayed my sister, and I was so confused about my role in all of it. He had my mind so twisted that I truly believed I had caused his immoral behavior. Me. A sexually inexperienced and insecure girl seduced him.
With each day that passed, I became more depressed and mentally withdrawn. Not that anyone noticed. To be fair, though, I’d become a pretty exceptional actress. It’s amazing how convincing you can be when you feel your survival depends on it. When I was pretending, even I believed that everything was okay—that Jim was purely the loving older brother figure he pretended to be.
At some point, Nicole got a little bored of Jim and started pulling away. And I’m the one who got pushed into her place. If my sister didn’t want to go watch him play hockey or go with him to a game, she would send me instead. To my sister, it seemed like the perfect solution. After all, Jim and I were so close, and I enjoyed spending time with him. Or so everyone believed. Then there was the added bonus that if he was with me, he couldn’t be out cheating. My sister had no clue how wrong she was about all of it.
While we were out alone, Jim treated me like his girlfriend. He’d hold my hand, open doors for me, buy my food. As you might imagine, this behavior only made my feelings about the situation more complicated. It was so hard to keep up with all the different roles I was playing. Sometimes, when I saw him being affectionate with Nicole, I felt angry and jealous. Then the reality of the situation would kick in, and I’d just feel sick.
I tried to get out of these pseudo dates. But saying no always led to questions.
“Is something wrong? Are you upset with Jim?”
It was easier to go along with it. At least until my sister volunteered for me to help Jim move into his new apartment while she was in Florida.
It had been weeks since things escalated, and I didn’t want to be completely alone with him. But my options were limited. I could tell my sister everything and break her heart, making her hate me. Or keep my mouth shut, allowing Jim to violate me further.
