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“I know,” I answer, leaning back against the wall. “I have to do this for me. I can’t be afraid of the world forever. If we can capture my stalker and get them behind bars, I’ll be free to live again.”
I have to be strong, to face my past head-on no matter how bad it is. I ran scared five years ago, terrified of the person stalking me. I was twenty-one and had no idea how to handle a situation like that. It’s not something you’re taught in school. Sure, common sense tells you to call the police and report it, but how do you do that when the stalker is telling you that if you go to the police he will kill the boys that are your lifeline? You don’t. Simple as that.
So, because I couldn’t go to the police, I reinvented myself. I hid my identity and used my computer skills to get a job with a security company. Knox, Steel, and Trevor took a chance on me when we met. I had no college degree, but they let me show them my skills and hired me on the spot. I’m not sure what they saw in me, but I proved to them that I was worth at least one shot. Not once did they question why I jumped at noises or was scared of my own shadow; the truth was, they already knew because I’d told them, but they were quick to learn my quirks and worked around them, giving me the space I needed. I appreciate it more than they will ever know. Now it’s my turn to show them I can be a part of the team.
“Sky,” Alexandra opened the door and stepped into the hall. “The guys are awake and…ready-ish. I’ll go ahead and introduce you all. Good luck, and again, thank you for doing this. I’m sure it’s not easy being back here.”
I give her a small nod in answer, not wanting to risk speaking just yet. She opens the door once more and heads inside. Rome and then Valentina follow, leaving me to take up the rear. I know without them saying so, it was their way to let me prolong this just a little bit longer. I make sure to stay behind them, hidden from sight. Let the guys stew on who their new guitarist would be just a little longer. Maybe they wouldn’t realize it at first and things would turn out okay.
A girl can hope, right?
I listen carefully as Alexandra gives her introductions and handles the guy's questions well. It’s clear she was the right choice to manage the three of them if her fluent ability to ignore their bad moods and attitudes was anything to go by. I know we hadn’t been standing in the room long, but it already felt like I’d spent hours hiding behind Valentina and Rome. I tried to peek around my guards to look at the boys and see just how different they are now, but I couldn’t risk them seeing me while I did, so I didn’t get a look at any of them.
For the past five years, I’ve avoided any and all news stories about them. The less I knew, the better; sure, I kept tabs just enough to know they were alive, but I have no idea what they look like now. I didn’t really want to know because it was just going to hurt me more if I kept watching them. My soul and heart couldn’t take the pain. I’ve never stopped loving them, though, and I knew I never would.
Now, I’m absolutely terrified of what will happen when I see them in a moment.
How much have they changed? Are they still the cute rebellious boys I fell for who teased and bullied me to show their affection? Or are they all hardened against the world? ’m about to find out, and I have a feeling it’s the latter if their comments are any kind of clue.
“Well as impressive as both of your resumes sure are, who the fuck is the third person that entered with you, and why are they hiding behind you?” I hear Gunner question coldly and more demanding than anything.
Valentina turns to look at me, keeping me mostly hidden. She gives me a small nod and a sad smile. She may still be new to Rockport Security, but she was briefed on this mission. She knows how hard it is for me and what these boys mean to me. I muster as much of a fake smile as I can for her before taking a deep breath.
“Hi,” I mumble, stepping around Rome. Seeing the guys again leaves me floored. They are so different from the boys I left so long ago. Now they’re men—hardened, tattooed, and even edgier than before. Each of them is still as awe-consuming as when I first met them. Hell, I think they may have gotten even hotter over the years.
Is that possible? It has to be.
Holding my breath, I wait to see what they are going to say.
“Oh hell to the fuck no!” Creed shouts, standing and throwing his coffee across the room before storming out. The cup narrowly misses all of us, and from here I can smell the dark goodness. I keep my face passive with his temper, knowing I deserve it. I can feel Valentina take a step closer to me, whether in fear of Creed or because she knows I need the support, I’m not sure.
Gunner is deadly silent as he sits on the couch watching me. His eyes give away the rage he’s feeling, but he doesn’t say or do anything. I think I can see his hands shaking, but I can’t tell completely from where I’m positioned.
Sebastian sits beside him, seething. He doesn’t bother hiding the disgust and anger on his face. There’s a good chance that, if he came over here, he would strangle me where I stand.
Creed’s reaction, I expected. He was always on the more emotional side and felt things more freely. He helped cover his emotions with his carefree jokester attitude. That he took to rage and stormed out of the room didn’t hurt as much as it should have. At least it proves to me he still feels something and didn’t shut his emotions down. Gunner being so quiet isn’t new either. He always encouraged me to spend time by myself and feed the darker side of me. From here, it looks like he let himself be consumed considering his strong muscles and sleeves of tattoos. Sebastian's reaction, though, is new. He was always so loving to me. The one I went to when I needed comfort and a shoulder to cry on. He also loved helping me piss Creed off at times. Seeing him so angry breaks the last of the willpower I had.
I can’t do this. I can’t be here.
Spinning on my heel, I flee from the room as fast as I can. I can feel the panic attack coming on, and this time I know there’s no way to stop it. I just need to get away, somewhere, anywhere. Reaching for the front pocket of my jeans, I feel the rough edges of the hotel keycard we were given when we checked in at the front desk. That’s all I need. The front desk told us we were in room 804, the same hallway as the guys. The label bought out the whole floor for protection. I run down the hall until I find the room and fumble getting the keycard out of my pocket.
“FUCK!” I roar, slamming my hand against the door as the tears begin to fall. “No, no, no, not here! Damnit, Sky!” I scold myself, begging to just hold it together just a little longer. Pushing through the struggle of sliding the card into the lock slot, I finally get it, hearing the lock click open and letting me open the door.
I storm in, letting the door slam shut behind me as I throw myself into the bathroom and shut that door as well. Valentina and I are sharing a room, and the last thing I want is for her to come back here and see me like this. Vulnerable.
Dropping the keycard and my phone on the counter I turn quickly to the shower and turn the water to scalding hot. Thank god this hotel is super fancy, having a separate bath and shower so I don’t have to bother switching it. Not bothering with my clothes I open the glass door and step inside, sinking to the ground directly under the spray, letting it hit my back. That’s when the tears start and don’t stop.
I cry, cry like I haven’t in a very long time, letting my heart and soul break all over again. My whole body shakes with the sobs as I struggle to catch my breath. It feels like the whole world is falling apart around me, and I’m starting to wonder why I’m even here. They will never understand, hating my guts for the decision I made without ever asking why. A small part of me thought there would be a chance of forgiveness if they just let me plead my case, but I could tell by their reactions it wouldn’t be possible.
The heaviness in my chest feels impossible. I struggle to breathe, clutching my chest before pounding the shower floor and letting out the largest scream I can muster right now. Not even that helps. I just let the tears keep flowing, allowing all the dark thoughts I had fought all those years to return. I let them consume me, making me question if I should even remain here, and I don’t mean in this hotel. I mean in this world. Death would be easier. Maybe there I’d find forgiveness or peace. It would be easier. Easier than facing their hatred again.
“Sky,” Valentina whispers so softly I almost don’t hear her. I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the knocking that pulled my attention to it.
I grasp my right wrist and dig my nails in, willing the pain to bring me back and calm my tears so she doesn’t know something’s wrong. I learned back in high school that pain numbs the motions and numbs my mind. Cutting helped, but the guys put a stop to that the second they found out, instead, telling me to dig my nails into their arms when the thoughts got too loud. All these years I’ve still relied on that but instead of their arms, I use my own letting the nails dig in until I bleed. It’s better than a knife, but even I know it’s not healthy. We all have our demons; this is just how I choose to deal with mine.
“Sky,” Valentina calls out again a little louder, this time knocking harder.
“I’m fine!” I call out trying to sound as normal as possible. It’s a complete and total lie, but I’m hoping she doesn’t realize it. She shouldn’t unless one of my bosses warned her of my behavior. I’m still pissed they learned my secret, but when I had a panic attack in the middle of the kitchen area and Knox witnessed it, it became a major concern for all three of them, and they always made sure I was okay, becoming annoying big brothers to me.
