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For a little while of watching him, I pondered a niggling doubt that had grown in my mind over the past few days. “Do ye believe in intuition?”
“Sure.”
“Do ye think that’s what Finn’s feeling?”
“Like he’s anticipating shite going down?”
I shrugged, keeping my voice low. “After the incident on stage where Jackson had to throw himself at a guy, I guess it showed me what people are capable of. It sounds weird, but I’m getting the sense that this panic is something more. And I just realised how daft that sounds.”
Raphael’s amusement quickly faded. “Intuition is the brain pulling facts and feelings together to produce intelligence, aye? Like when ye get a wary feeling ahead of doing something new. I’m naw sure whether a six-year-old has that capacity, but I know the feeling of thinking bad shite is going to happen to your family. Except in my case, I wanted it for my da. Someone offing him was my dream.”
I chuffed a sympathetic laugh, dislodging my worry. Raphael’s father was a crime lord who’d wanted his son to work for him. He’d given up on Raphael, everyone hoped, but that didn’t change the fact my colleague and friend had experienced a fucked-up childhood where murder, guns, and literal backstabbing were daily occurrences.
“What about now?” I asked. “Still want him dead?”
Raphael shrugged. “If he leaves us alone then I want nothing. I don’t give a flying fuck what happens to him. I just can’t see it lasting. It makes me not want…”
He trailed off. I waited him out, the cool calm of the dark bus settling around us.
“Gabe and Effie will have a bairn in a few months,” he continued at last, referencing his older brother’s impending new arrival. “How the fuck can they ever relax knowing our father is out there, ready and waiting to cause damage? I know he agreed to back off after my sister threatened him with a tell-all, but she’s happily shacked up, too. I want to talk to Jax about it, but is that my place? Why am I interfering?”
He and Jackson had been close friends for years, and now Jackson was dating his sister, thus putting him in the line of fire of their da. I tilted my head, giving him a gentle question. “What’s the real issue here? Jackson’s big enough and ugly enough to go into a relationship with his eyes open. Ye don’t expect your brother and sister to stay single?”
He exhaled through his nose. “Of course not. I just can’t see how they can give away their heart knowing someone might shred it when they get scared off and walk away.”
Well, fuck. “That’s a risk ye take with any relationship. Ask me how I know.”
Raphael’s serious gaze returned to mine. His dark hair was messy, falling in his eyes, and he pushed it back. In the dim light, he appeared younger. Vulnerable.
“I was engaged,” I said. “Did ye know that?”
Slowly, he nodded. “I dislike gossip and don’t seek it out, but I heard someone mention it a few nights before we left. Ye don’t have to tell me anything.”
I didn’t, and I had the distinct feeling I was talking to the wrong person, but there was still a lesson for Raphael in there.“I’ll spare ye the details, but the woman wanted someone else. She looked me in the eye and told me she loved me when she never had. If you’re worried about outsiders destroying relationships, I’d say it’s more likely to come from inside. Relationships are never risk-free.”
Raphael swore softly. “New fear unlocked. There was me panicking about falling in love with someone and my history causing them to leave, now I’m not so sure I want to even start anything at all.”
“Is there a lass in mind?”
“Nah. No one. It’s theoretical, just on my mind from watching Jackson and Ariel fall into each other’s orbit. That happened so fast.”
I snorted, keeping an eye on Finn. “Not that fast. Dude was far gone for her way ahead of when they started dating. He nearly bit my head off when I said I was going to ask her out.”
Raphael shuddered. “That’s my sister.”
“It was a joke to test him. I wasnae going there.”
A tiny wail came from deeper in the bus. Both of us stilled, listening. Viola’s voice followed as she soothed her bairn, presumably feeding him, and after a minute, all was quiet again.
Raphael asked an abrupt question. “Are ye seeing Mia?”
I blinked. Swallowed. “No. Why do ye ask?”
“Any issue with me taking her on a date?”
At my lack of a response, he sat forward, forearms on his knees. “You’re making me think I should be less wary of relationships, and she’s a sweetheart.”
“Didn’t know ye knew her,” I grouched, suddenly panicked.
