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“Here. This one tells you in plain English whether you’re pregnant or not.” She thrusts the box into my hands, and we go up to the register, where my legs shake the whole time, and I can barely get through the entire transaction.
“I’m so nervous,” I whisper, eyeing the front door, expecting one of the guards to come looking for us. “What if they want to see what I bought?”
Aspen winces, then looks around. “There’s a bathroom in the back,” she whispers, tugging me in that direction rather than heading for the exit. “Come on. It’s only supposed to take three minutes to process.”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. Sneaking into a public restroom, peeing on a stick, then waiting what feels like forever. Three minutes have never lasted so long. Aspen waits for me outside, and under the door, I can see her shadow passing back and forth as she paces. I always did want a sister. So far, she’s pretty much the coolest one I could ever imagine having. No way could I get through this without her.
Finally, once my phone tells me it’s been exactly three minutes, I stare at that little wand on the sink like it’s going to explode. All I’m doing is confirming what I already know. Why does it feel so monumental?
And why does my heart drop like a rock when the words Not Pregnant greet me once I turn the test over?
Not pregnant. I am not pregnant. How could I have gotten it so wrong?
Why am I crumbling when I ought to be relieved? This is probably the worst possible time to have a baby, for so many reasons. Yet here I am, biting my lip to hold back a sob.
Aspen knocks softly on the door. “Hey. Okay in there? Do you need anything?”
I can think of a lot of things I need. At the top of the list is a shoulder to cry on. I ease the door open, staring at the floor. “I’m not pregnant,” I whisper, and just saying the words makes my throat clog up with tears.
“Oh, sweetie.” She gathers me against her for another hug, tight and fierce. “I’m so sorry. But, hey, everything happens for a reason. Right? I know that sounds corny, but it’s true.”
I know she’s right. I should be glad, really. We don’t need another complication on top of everything else.
But, dammit, I was starting to get used to the idea of having a baby. Mine and Ren’s. A part of both of us. The best part, the part that came from love. Now, I have nothing but broken dreams I shouldn’t have entertained in the first place. How could I have gotten so far ahead of myself?
“Why am I late then?” I rinse my face at the sink while Aspen waits. If I go out there looking like I just finished crying, somebody at home is going to find out. I don’t feel like dealing with a million questions.
“Who knows? These things happen. You’ve been through so much stress,” she points out. In the mirror, I see the way shefrowns in sympathy. “Stress can really screw with your cycle, you know? And you were definitely going through plenty of stress. It could be as simple as that.”
Of course. My body was busy trying to get through all of the trauma I was experiencing. It’s no surprise I skipped a period.
If only that wasn’t the case.
If only I hadn’t already started loving a baby that never existed.
If only it didn’t feel so damn much like I’m losing everything that matters as we walk back to the car and ride home in silence.
17
REN
“Wake up,” a deep familiar voice drags me from my restless sleep.
My eyes fly open just in time for me to see a bundle of clothes thrown at my face. I manage to lift my arm just in time, catching the pile of fabric. Still disoriented by sleep, I look around my cell to find Quinton standing inside, only two feet away from my cot.
“Get up and get dressed. You are going to the gym with me,” he orders, his tone not leaving any room for a discussion.
I sit up and stare at the pile of clothes in my hand, realizing I’m holding a pair of workout shorts and a thin T-shirt.
“Why are you sleeping in the middle of the day, anyway? Nothing better to do than nap? Oh, wait, you don’t,” he says sarcastically, glancing around the bare cell with a grin. “Hurry up, I don’t have all day.”
“Do you really think that’s a good idea? Does your father know you are letting me out of here?”
“Don’t you worry about him. Besides, you really think you can take me?”
“I know I can take you,” I challenge.
“Give it a try and find out, asshole.”
