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“But, it’s not that simple. We go in there, guns blazing, and we start a war. You have to know that.”
Bitter disappointment burns its way through my esophagus, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. It’s so easy for him to sit back and say things like that. “Those people need us.”
“Ren, I need you to remember something. I know you want to put an end to all of this, and nobody has more of a reason than you. You have lost so much, and I am truly sorry. But let’s not fool ourselves, either.”
“What does that mean?”
He barely stops short of rolling his eyes. “It means we are not the good guys here. We aren’t heroes. There’s no charging in and saving the world. I need you to remember that.”
“So, what?” I can’t be bothered to hide my disappointment, dropping back into the chair. “We stay here and do nothing? How can we?”
“And how can I start a war with the Russians?” he counters. “That sort of thing is expensive, and not only in terms of dollars and cents. It means losing people. And that will happen, no matter how prepared we are.”
I can’t believe it. It’s like being in a nightmare. Screaming as loud as I can, but unable to make a sound. With no one to take me seriously, with no way of changing anything. I have no choice but to sit on my hands and be a good boy, while Xander calls the shots. And so many people could be suffering this very minute, maybe even worse than I ever did.
“There is something I wanted to discuss with you.” He folds his hands on top of the desk, hitting me with a heavy stare. “I understand Scarlet has been very upset ever since the two of you had a fight. I don’t like to get involved in her personal life if I can help it, but I need to know I can trust the two of you alone together.”
“I’m never going to hurt her,” I promise, though the words feel flat and empty in my mouth. Because I can’t really make that promise, can I? Considering I’m not always in control of myself.
“It seems as though you already have, but I understand what you mean,” he replies with a sigh. “Don’t make me regret giving you a little more freedom. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
“I get it. I’m trying to give her some space to figure things out for herself. I’m trying to do the same thing. That’s the most I can tell you,” I conclude with a shrug.
“That’s generally the best way to go about it,” he agrees, nodding slowly. “It’s never good to fly off half-cocked in the heat of the moment. You always end up saying things you wish you hadn’t.”
I’m afraid we’re already past that point, but I won’t bother admitting it. Besides, footsteps interrupt us before I get the chance, and I turn in the chair in time to see Q strolling into the room. Something has changed between us ever since I took that bullet for him. He won’t come out and say it, and I don’t expect him to, but there’s been a definite shift in the way he acts around me. There’s no more dirty looks, no more comments, no tension.
“Sorry. What did I interrupt?” He freezes halfway into the room, eyes darting back and forth between me and his dad.
“I think we were in the process of wrapping up our discussion.” Xander lifts an eyebrow and I nod in agreement.
“Good. I was looking for you, actually,” Q tells me, coming to a stop in front of the desk and leaning his ass against it, arms folded. “Do you wanna go out? Grab a couple of beers?”
I must be missing something. “You mean it?“ I look at Xander, but his face is blank. I can’t tell what he thinks about the idea.
Q glances over his shoulder like he’s checking in with Xander. “I mean, you should get out sometimes. You must be going nuts, being stuck here.”
Interesting choice of words. “I don’t know,” I mumble, which is the truth. I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to be out inpublic where anything could happen. This is what my life has come to. Afraid to leave the house in case the other side of my personality decides to come out and wreak havoc.
It’s pretty clear he is not taking no for an answer. I know him better than to think he will now that he’s made up his mind. And it wouldn’t be bad to get out for a little while, either – I’m sick of looking at the same walls. “Okay,” I agree, though my heart is nowhere near in it. “If it’s all right, yeah, I’ll come out with you.”
“You don’t need to sound like you accepted a death sentence,” he snickers.
That’s just it. Lately, it feels like my whole life is a death sentence. I guess I need a night out more than I thought I did.
26
SCARLET
“What do you mean they went out?” I question, like I don’t know what Aspen is saying.
“Out, as in they went to a bar to drink some beers,” she explains, like it’s not a big deal at all.
“But why? I mean other than to find girls. Do you think Ren is done with me?” I’m almost certain that I’m overreacting… almost.
“I think you worry too much,” Aspen laughs. “They are just letting off some steam. Ren has been stressed and Quinton is dealing with a lot too. He thought he lost his best friend forever and now he is back. Let them spend some time together and trust that they don’t do anything stupid.”
“I trust them, it’s everyone else I don’t trust. What if some skanks just walk up to them and stick their tongues down their throats. What if someone roofies them and steals their kidneys?”
