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jenny
I didn’t feelgood after I asked Cole about his deal. Again, I felt sick because of the lies and the hiding things. This was not who I wanted to be. No one belonged in my relationship except for Cole and me—but his father was calling the shots.
But… If Cole’s father sent my auntie Theresa anywhere near Cole, and she told him about my past, I would probably die from shame. He would never look at me the same. And if Cole’s father disinherited his son because I wasn’t doing what he asked, I would never forgive myself.
Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.The operative word in all of this was “damned.”
Coming back to Cole had been a mistake. I’d known I was making a deal with the devil when I’d said yes to Cole’s father, but I’d gone ahead and done it anyway. Like a moth to a flame, I couldn’t stay away from my billionaire.
And now I was going to burn for it.
I pushed the tangle of unpleasant thoughts from my mind as I hustled back to the stables, where Audrey and the trainer were waiting. I felt like I was an actress. I smiled the whole time. I responded when I was spoken to. I laughed at the trainer’s jokes. I petted the pretty horses. I played the role of a wonder struckyoung woman staying at a fancy resort, learning to ride a horse while my billionaire boyfriend went fly-fishing.
It was the role of a lifetime. But when it was over, and the lights came up, I’d return to the seediness of my real life. I would have to face the past I thought I’d left behind and the loneliness and pain of genuine regret.
Still, I smiled and nodded. I pet the horses. But inside, I was dying. I regretted coming back. I regretted lying to Cole. I regretted making a deal with Lewis Bryson. Because in the end, I’d done it because I was selfish. I didn’t want to say goodbye to Cole. I wanted to live happily ever after with him in a house with a white picket fence, a couple of dogs, kids playing on swings in the sunshine, the life I’d never had, the life I never would have.
I tried to stay focused on what the trainer was saying. I did a pretty good job; Audrey said nothing about my mood. On the plus side, I had the sweetest horse in the world. Her name was Betsy, and she was caramel colored with the prettiest mane you’d ever seen. “Audrey,” I said to my friend, “I am so sorry that Betsy is so much better than your horse. Your horse is nice, but Betsy is the queen.”
Audrey laughed as we left the paddock near the stables. “My horse is basically Black Beauty, so you can say what you want,” she countered. “Betsy is adorable, but Ember here is the bomb.” The trainer went first, and we followed her, riding slowly up the trail. Audrey’s horse was tall and elegant, black, with a white star between her eyes.
I laughed, and it felt good. It helped me forget the pain in my stomach—the pain of lying. Still, I couldn’t help but enjoy riding Betsy; she was such a beautiful horse. The clean air filled my lungs. The gorgeous scenery made me feel small again, which helped.Small person, small problems.If only that were true.
We rode in silence for a while. I’d never been on a horse before and found it relaxing. The giant, majestic creature belowme was strong. She climbed the trail effortlessly, even with me on her back. Betsy was steady and patient. I innately trusted her to keep me safe. We seemed to have some unspoken agreement. I felt she somehow knew I trusted her and that it was safe for her to trust me.
The mountain air and Betsy worked their magic on me. I started feeling a tiny bit better, which seemed like a miracle. Any improvement was better than the doom and gloom I’d wallowed in all morning.
“This is nice, isn’t it?” I asked Audrey. “I’ve never ridden a horse, but it’s so relaxing. I love being outside. It’s so gorgeous here.”
Audrey nodded, looking around us with wonder. The trail the guide had taken us on was winding, traveling the expanse of the ranch’s property. We followed her slowly down into the valley. The scenery was even more incredible from the low vantage point. On Betsy, I could be a part of the tall, swaying grasses, and I truly felt the majesty of the mountains rising on either side of the valley. The breathtaking surroundings helped me to forget.
If only it could give me partial amnesia for the bad parts of my life. And it could last forever.
We followed the trail for another hour as it gently sloped upward. When we reached the crest of a hill, I gasped. We’d reached the broad pasture where the herd of buffalo grazed. They were giant creatures with thick brown fur, curved horns, and brawny shoulders.
“Audrey,” I exclaimed, “look at the buffalo!”
“They’re actually bison,” our guide said. “They’re similar to buffalo, but with some notable differences. Unlike buffalo, bison have humped shoulders, horns, and beards. Even the ladies!” She grinned at us. “The ranch has a whole herd of them. We can only get up close to one of them—just follow me. Gigi was bornhere. She’s semi-domesticated, which is highly unusual. She’ll accept treats from us. You can pet her if you want to.”
“Seriously?” I almost fell off my horse. “We canpetone of them?” I whipped my head at Audrey. “All my dreams are coming true!”
She laughed. “You crack me up, Jenny. First the iguana, now the buffalo.”
“Thebison,” I corrected her. “Gigi the bison, no less.” We rode slowly through the pasture. Most of the bison ignored us, not even casting a sideways glance at the horses. Still, I noticed that the guide was careful to keep us a safe distance from them. I didn’t mind. Riding near the herd as they grazed was basically my idea of Disneyland. The animals were so peaceful. I tried to soak it in.
My life had never been especially peaceful, and it was about to get a lot worse. I could feel it. Better enjoy the peacefulness of the gentle giants while I could.
The guide pulled up next to a giant bison, grazing silently off by herself. “This is Gigi.” The guide slowly climbed down from her horse and carefully approached the bison. She took some apple slices from her pocket and offered them to the animal. Gigi sneezed, then gently ate them from the guide’s hand.
She grinned at us. “Sneezing means she’s happy,” she said.
“Can I feed her?” I asked.
“Of course you can,” the guide said kindly. “I brought enough apples for everybody.”
Audrey and I stopped and gingerly climbed down from our horses. “Good girl,” I told Betsy. When the guide gave me my apple slices, I made sure that Betsy got one first.
“Come over and meet Gigi when you’re ready,” the guide said.
