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And it definitely wasn’t her.
Disappointment flooded her. Which was silly. He wasn’t hers.
“I’m not a good girl,” she whispered. “Not at all.”
He tilted his head to the side, then pressed his finger into her mouth. “Suck.”
She started sucking. If she hadn’t been watching him so closely, she might have missed the way his eyes narrowed. He wasn’t as unaffected as he liked to act.
“You don’t think you’re a good girl?” he murmured. “I think you can be a very good girl, sweetheart.”
She closed her eyes, breathing in the words, wanting them to be true. But the guilt she carried wouldn’t let her believe them.
She was falling apart. Everything was a mess and she wasn’t enough to hold it all together anymore.
“Uh-uh, I didn’t say you could close your eyes.” He slid his finger free of her mouth and she let out a sound of protest. “Keep your eyes open and stop thinking so much.”
Stop thinking?
Was he crazy? If she knew how to do that, she’d have been doing it a long time ago.
“All you need to focus on is this. On doing what I tell you. Open your mouth. Eyes on me. That’s it. See? You can be a very good girl.” His finger went back into her mouth. “Suck.”
This was just bizarre. She was sucking his finger and felt grateful. She felt aroused.
And . . . weirdly, safe.
As though Jameson wouldn’t let anything or anyone hurt her. Because he would take care of everything.
So silly.
“No thinking,” he ordered. “Eyes on me. Concentrate on sucking. That’s it. Look at you. Nice and calm. Shoulders relaxed. You’re doing so well. I’m very proud of you.”
Shoot.
There was a sound from somewhere in the house. A loud bang followed by someone swearing. Ian.
And before she could blink, Jameson pulled back. He was staring down at her with a bemused expression. And she knew before he spoke that she was going to get robot Jameson.
He drew back into himself. “I apologize. That was extremely unprofessional. I think it would be better if I referred you to another doctor.”
“Jameson, you didn’t do anything I didn’t want,” she told him.
“It was unethical.”
She sighed. “I kind of thought we were friends first and doctor-patient second.”
“Even more reason to have a new doctor.”
“All right.” She was too tired to keep arguing. And she knew she wasn’t going to win this argument. Besides, she understood where he was coming from. She didn’t want him to do anything that made him feel like he was doing something wrong.
And then that barrier would be gone . . . right?
Monkeyballs. What was wrong with her? She didn’t want just one man, but three!
And none of them were anything she could pursue long-term.
“Good. I think that’s a good idea.” He breathed out, his relief clear.
