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“Then let her have more. If you love her, stay away from her. She’s in a better place. Let her be happy.”
I was trying hard to contain my own emotions. “Lizzie, what are you afraid of?”
She turned away from me. “It ain’t fear. I’m just tired...tired of getting my heart broken again and again. Your father tried to find her, too, but he failed.”
My body froze in place. “What do you mean?”
“After you left, I made him promise me he would find her. Like you, he tried, but nothing came of it. Nothing. Just a long string of hope and disappointments. In my heart she’s alive, but my reality tells me something different.”
I stood in front of Lizzie and watched as she broke down and cried. I wrapped my arms around her while she wept uncontrollably against my chest. Soon, her pain became mine. Lizzie and I cried for some time, weeping for Jeyne and all the years we had lost.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
It had been a long day for Lizzie but the night was sure to be even longer. Sleep was not to happen. Thinking of Jeyne had always made Lizzie sad, but the hope, that internal purveyor of dreams, was starting to grow within her again. In truth, it had never died. It was what had kept her alive all these years. The mere thought of Thomas finding Jeyne managed to calm Lizzie’s restless heart a bit despite the internal emptiness, the longing. Part of that longing came from the desire to be free. But in a world that offered more cruelty than joy, what good was freedom when a part of her soul was missing? Of course, Thomas’ revelation and his unyielding belief in Jeyne’s whereabouts stirred something deep within Lizzie. Jeyne was her daughter, her only child. Therefore, she had no choice but to embrace his decision.
In actuality, Lizzie could have left Bellevue years ago. Before their work on the Underground Railroad, Thomas had set a few slaves free, including Lizzie, quietly and without fanfare. He didn’t want to draw too much attention to the fact, especially from Elizabeth. He had sold them, he told her. There was no need to keep extra slaves around if he didn’t need them. What he didn’t tell Elizabeth was that he had advised the newly freed slaves to leave for the north, and they all acquiesced without hesitation, their knapsacks cleverly filled with supplies, money and their freedom papers.
As Lizzie made her way to the cabin to see if any runaways had made their way there, her hands and arms began to tingle, a sign that passengers were waiting to travel. Lizzie’s steps became lighter as she approached the front door, rifle in hand. When she stepped inside, there was a noticeable presence in the room. Lizzie couldn’t see anyone at first but she could feel them. The heaviness of the room suggested it was a man. Lizzie stopped in her tracks and raised her gun.
“Say your business.”
The man stepped out of the shadows and presented himself. He was tall, muscular and felt familiar despite his disheveled and haggard look. His clothes were a mess and he had blood on his shirt. Lizzie lowered the rifle. It couldn’t be. A chill ran down the full length of her spine.
“What happened? You supposed to be on your way to Baton Rouge. Where are the others?
“They alright. They still headed north.”
“Why didn’t you stay with them?”
“I couldn’t keep going.”
Lizzie’s concern turned to annoyance. “So, you come back here to do what? Be a slave. We didn’t make all those plans for you to go north only so you could come back here.”
“I ain’t afraid of nothing,” Josiah said, his voice deep and defiant. “But what good is freedom if I ain’t got you?”
“Josiah, you can’t hide out here forever. There’s a reward out on your head.”
“I’m not leaving unless you with me.”
Lizzie set her rifle down on a nearby table and leaned over it as a mix of emotions coursed through her body.
“It ain’t my time yet,” she said as evenly as she could.
“You keep sayin’ that, but I don’t see nothin’ holding you back. Except you.”
Lizzie looked into Josiah’s eyes and saw a flash of questions pass through. “I’ll be behind you soon enough.”
Josiah came towards her and held her face in his hand. “I’m not leaving you.”
Lizzie could feel the strength in Josiah’s hands as he held her close. She was barely able to move but her mind was racing a mile a minute as a flurry of thoughts began to seep in. She could feel her body weaken.
“Why you making this so hard?”
“It’s only hard if your choice is to stay here,” Josiah said, wincing in pain.
“What’s wrong? You hurt?”
“On the way back, I’m sleepin’ and some crazy possum attacked me. come up on me to get the last of my food.”
