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“I think Aurora wants to keep taking care of your son. I don’t know what you did to that girl’s head but she’s obviously willing to sacrifice a lot for you.”
I was stumped. I hadn’t expected Aurora to keep watching Battista. I’d always thought she would hand him off to my parents the moment she got the chance. I had to admit my heart doubled in size thinking about it. I touched the tattoo without thinking about it.
Dad gripped my shirt and shoved it up, revealing the aurora borealis tattoo. He scanned it briefly before he narrowed his eyes at me. “Is this what I think it is?”
“I’m not good at reading your thoughts.”
“If you care about Aurora, running away and abandoning her, certainly sends the wrong message.”
“You sent Mom back to the Outfit, even though you cared about her. That was even more stupid. She could have married her fiancé and you would have never seen her again.”
Dad grabbed my shoulder. “As you like to point out, you’re not me. Will you be able to see Aurora move on? What if she’s with someone else when you return?”
“She won’t be,” I said firmly, possessiveness burning through me. The mere idea of anyone touching Aurora made me want to maim and kill them.
“Considering your actions of the past, she would be stupid not to move on.”
“Mom didn’t move on, even though your actions were even worse than mine.” I hadn’t kidnapped Aurora or tried to destroy the people she loved, so I really wasn’t sure why Dad was so pissed at me.
“Your mother was busy being pregnant and raising twins,” Dad said.
“But you didn’t know that when you sent her away. I can’t imagine you being okay with someone else being with Mom.”
“I knew she wouldn’t move on with someone else,” he said.
“And if she had.”
His face gave me an answer. “See, and I would do the same. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean I won’t find out if a guy makes a move at her and then he’ll quickly back off.”
“Maybe Aurora deserves to move on, especially if you are gone for years.”
I scoffed. “Please, don’t pretend you had it in you to be noble, I certainly don’t. I’m a murderous, possessive asshole and Aurora knew that when she fell for me. Now that she’s in my head, she must know what that means.”
“And apparently not just in your head,” Dad said with a wave at my chest.
I didn’t comment. My feelings were volatile and elusive, I preferred not to dwell on them.
“Does Greta know?” I asked, changing the topic. I had reduced my contact to her to a bare minimum since I’d found out about Battista. Maybe it was guilt. While she wanted children but couldn’t have them easily, a son had been thrown in my lap, and I didn’t even want him.
“Your mother didn’t mention Battista to her yet, but it’s not something we can keep from her for long.”
I nodded. “She’ll be sad that we kept it from her at all.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. “I need to stay here. I need to figure things out and battle my demons.”
“You should figure them out with the help of people who care about you.”
“Does that include you?” I asked, bracing myself for the answer.
His fingers on my shoulder tightened. “It does, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to strangle you for the pain you’re causing your Mom and everyone else. Your strength, your dedication to the Camorra and your fight skills have made me incredibly proud in the past, but nothing would make me prouder than seeing you become a good father to your son, and a good man for Aurora.”
We returned inside after that, and Dad left the next day without me, only leaving me with the burden of his words. Yet I was glad he’d said them because they’d showed me he still believed in me, and I sure as fuck wanted to become both—a good father for Battista and a good man for Aurora.
Dad’s anger filled the room as we sat at the breakfast table. It had been five days since he’d found out about Battista, since I’d moved back in with my parents, but he still barely talked to me. Most of his anger was directed at Nevio, but a small part was for me too. He felt betrayed, not just by Remo and Nino, but also by me. I had lied to him and Mom, so many lies. Nevio wouldn’t come back, not anytime soon. Remo hadn’t been able to bring him back. Nevio didn’t want to be here, and I doubted anyone, not even Remo could force him.
I rocked Battista on my lap. I had been taking care of him for two months now. Two months of spending every waking moment bonding with him and hoping that Nevio too would find a bond to his son.
He hadn’t. Instead he’d decided to remove himself fully from not only Battista’s life, but also mine. Remo had said he did it because he was on the verge of losing control, that he was too erratic, too volatile, too much in need of the thrill of the kill to take over any kind of responsibility.
Maybe one day he would be. I worried it would be too late for Battista, and I was certain it would be too late for us. I wouldn’t press pause on my life for Nevio, not this time. I had to move on because he obviously did. Even if it broke my heart for my silly younger self who’d dreamed of a future with Nevio, for the boy on my lap who deserved a father.
