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I would have found his message sweet under different circumstances. I was pretty sure some of my fantasies from the past included late-night texting with similar messages.
I can’t sleep. Angry with you.
I turned off my phone. I didn’t want to chat with him now. He was probably driving around with Massimo and Alessio, looking for new victims so he could extend his back tattoo, and I was here with his son.
I’d barely slept and hadn’t had time to get dressed yet when Nevio showed up at the apartment the following morning. I was too exhausted to care that I was only in panties and a tank, the clothes I’d changed into in the middle of the night after Battista had spit up on me. Battista had fallen back asleep around six thirty, three hours after waking me with his spit up. Unfortunately, my body refused to do the same and catch up on sleep.
I was on my second coffee but felt no closer to being ready for the day. A direct caffeine infusion was probably my only chance to survive the day at this point. Carlotta had already left for a doctor’s appointment. Because of her heart, she had them regularly.
After making sure Nevio was in front of the door, I opened it for him but stayed hidden behind the door, not wanting to be caught on camera in my half-dressed state.
Nevio scanned me from head to toe when he entered the apartment. I was too tired to feel embarrassed. Nevio looked as if he hadn’t had much sleep that night either, though I suspected for very different reasons. Annoyance filled me when I imagined how he’d probably enjoyed himself with Massimo and Alessio.
Nevio raised a paper bag with the name of one of my favorite donut shops on it. “I got breakfast.”
The donut shop wasn’t on the way from the mansion to the apartment. I wondered if that meant Nevio had slept somewhere else or if he’d gone out of his way to get me breakfast. I didn’t ask. Maybe it was for the best if I didn’t know. I didn’t have enough energy for a possible argument.
I nodded and trudged back into the kitchen, where I’d left my coffee. I sank down at the kitchen table, cradled my coffee cup, and tried not to let my anger suck what little energy I still had from my body.
“Rough night?” Nevio asked as he set the bag down on the table in front of me.
I glared. “What about you?”
Nevio opened the paper bag and showed me the selection of six donuts he’d brought, then sank down across from me. “I had to let off some steam.”
I slammed my coffee cup down on the tabletop. “So that’s how it’s going to be? I’ll watch your son so you don’t have to, and I’ll stay single for the rest of my life so you won’t feel the need to kill anyone, and you keep living your best life sleeping around with girls and killing people for fun.”
Nevio stared at the spilled coffee, then up at my face. “I haven’t slept with a girl since I visited you in New York. I tried after our night at the party, but like I said, you are stuck in my head, and I have a feeling it’ll be impossible to get you out.”
Surprise shot through me, but I didn’t allow my initial response to show. I was still suspicious, and Nevio needed to know that. “You haven’t been with any girls for three months?”
“It’s only me and my hand.”
I stared at his hand and of course flushed thinking about how he was touching himself. Was he thinking of me when he did? He’d mentioned it once, but it was still hard to believe. After years of yearning, he was suddenly into me.
I got up, trying not to let my tired mind run rampant. I needed to stay calm and in control. Grabbing a dish towel, I wiped up the coffee stain to buy some time.
When I sat back down, I felt calmer. “Why? What do you want from me? A relationship obviously not.”
Nevio tilted his head, letting his gaze wander over my face. I couldn’t imagine that I was an enticing sight right now. “Fuck if I knew. Maybe even a relationship. But I’m not relationship material.”
I shook my head. “So you think stalking me for months and threatening everyone who looks at me is a good way to win me over?”
“Do I need to win you over?”
I glared. “Maybe I had a crush on you, but what happened between us was a major eye-opener. Not to mention that you having a kid and not wanting to own up to it is another sign that you’re just not ready to commit to anything.”
“My brain’s a train wreck, Rory. Sometimes I feel like you might be the only one who can stop me from going off the rails. Sometimes I’m sure it’s inevitable, and I’ll just overrun you in the process.”
My throat clogged up. He thought I had this power over him? I didn’t want to let his words lure me in. I sighed. “Maybe you took too many drugs at the parties, and now your brain’s not functioning properly.”
“Trust me, my brain wasn’t an orderly place long before I had my first glass of alcohol or smoked marijuana.”
“I don’t want to be your stopgap, the one you run to when you’re desperate. I want to be in a real relationship, with commitment and honest emotions, with someone who’s reliable and responsible.”
Nevio shook his head. “Those are not attributes anyone in their right mind would associate with me.”
I glared down at my coffee. “But it’s what I want.”
