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“That’s not how tonight was supposed to go.”
“Rory,” Nevio murmured as he leaned over me. I prepared to slap him, but as if he anticipated the move, his fingers clamped around my wrist, fixating my hand against my pillow as his thumb traced my palm. “You want a tame version of me that doesn’t exist.”
“I know who you are. I’ve known you all my life, and you are more than the monster you like to play. You can be funny, caring, and loyal. You can be so much more than what you limit yourself to be.”
He came even closer until I felt his breath against my lips, but except for his fingers still holding my wrist, he wasn’t touching me. “I’m not playing the monster. The only time I truly feel like myself is at night when I hunt and kill. That’s who I am.”
“Maybe it’s easier to be him, but in the end, it won’t make you happy.”
Nevio chuckled without humor.
“If you’re so sure you’re only a monster, then why are you here? Why won’t you just give your son to your parents so they can raise him?”
“Maybe I want to play family with the only girl who ever got under my skin before I succumb to the darkness.”
I scoffed. “This isn’t playing family. This is me being a babysitter and you the irresponsible parent. I think you can’t stand the fact that you don’t remember having had me, and now you won’t stop until you’ve had me again to get me out of your system.”
“I wish it were as easy as that. Fuck, if I knew how to get you out of my body. I wish it were as easy as bleeding you out. If bloodletting was the solution, I would have slit my wrists a long time ago. I want you out of my system, but there you are, the blinding light at the back of my darkness.” He released a low breath. “Maybe you should go to my parents. It would be the final straw for my father. You’d be rid of me one way or another. If that’s what you want, then you need to tell them the truth because I won’t ever set you free.”
He pushed to his feet and left.
There was no way I’d fall asleep again now.
The next few days were hell. Getting up early for my internship with our medical team proved almost impossible after being awake most nights with Battista. After the first night of Nevio taking care of Battista, I decided not to have him spend the night again. He’d been hardly any help. Instead, he came over in the morning whenever Carlotta didn’t have time to watch Battista. Slowly, I was finding a tentative rhythm with Battista but it didn’t make the situation easier.
Carlotta and I sat on the ground with Battista while he played on his blanket on the ground. His favorite toy was a whisk and a mirror.
I stroked his cheek when he accidentally smacked his forehead with the whisk, looking torn between crying and puzzlement. He gave me a grin.
“Every day he stays here makes it harder to say goodbye to him,” Carlotta said. “You need to put a stop to this soon. Nevio won’t become the father he needs to be. Not anytime soon. Maybe never. Battista should be raised by his family. Hoping for a miracle won’t help you or him.”
“Says the girl who goes to church every Sunday.”
Carlotta pursed her lips. “I don’t think any of Nevio’s actions are God’s doing.”
“Definitely not. I’m the devil, Lotta,” Nevio said.
I let out a surprised screech, not having heard him enter. Battista stared at me wide-eyed, the whisk covered in his spittle as it was pressed to his mouth.
“Just because you have a key doesn’t mean you should enter unannounced,” Carlotta voiced my thoughts.
She pushed to her feet and smoothed her skirt. “Antonia is picking me up in five minutes. I should head down.”
She breathed past Nevio, grabbed her handbag, and left. It had become harder and harder to avoid visits from our family members. It was only a matter of time before they’d get suspicious and come over unannounced. I wasn’t sure how we’d keep Battista’s existence from them then.
Nevio squatted beside Battista and handed him the whisk he’d dropped. After a moment of hesitation, Battista took it and shoved it back into his mouth. He looked impossibly cute, and my heart warmed. Carlotta was right. It would only get harder the longer I took care of him. “I think we need to discuss Battista again. We can’t go on like this.”
Nevio’s gaze hit me. “I know.”
I was surprised and a tad suspicious by his reply. “I need to know when you’ll talk to your parents. This can’t be an arrangement without an end.”
Nevio nodded again. “It would be best if my parents adopted him, or maybe Kiara and Nino.”
“Don’t you want to be a father to him?” I asked, my heart feeling heavy. Battista peered up at me as if he understood what I was saying.
“No,” he said firmly. “For him, I’m going to make the right choice.”
I glared, not convinced. “You just don’t want the responsibility. Be honest.”
