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Chapter Twenty
Joshua
This wasn’t possible. My brain felt like a boulder inside my head as I held and stared sightlessly at the pregnancy test. She had to be joking. Maybe she was nuts and was playing some elaborate prank on me for some reason.
“Naomi…this isn’t possible,” I said. I handed her the pregnancy test and her face kinda crumpled, she looked at me as if there were something wrong with me. “I wasn’t able to have a baby before when trying. Now you’re telling me you got pregnant from the first time we had sex?” I asked. She stared at me with wide eyes as if she didn’t know me.
“But Josh, the test—”
“Have you been to the doctor yet?” I asked.
“No, I wanted to tell you first,” she said.
My chest felt inflamed. I had to stand up and I paced behind the couch, putting more distance between us. “I-I’m just finding this hard to believe,” I said. “There’s no way.”
“Yes there is, Josh. I’m telling you and showing you that I’m pregnant,” she said, her voice louder.
“We don’t have to argue, I don’t want to argue…” I glanced at the door then back at her. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” I said. Her apartment felt too small and too warm. I hurried through the front door and practically jogged down the hall to the elevators. “Pregnant?” I said to myself as I waited for an elevator to open. “Pregnant?”
The concept, for some reason, just couldn’t compute for me. I kept thinking in the sequence of her breaking up with me and now all of a sudden she’s pregnant? I rubbed my temple and punched the call button angrily until the elevator finally opened. The shock was so intense that I started to laugh. I drove home chuckling hysterically but by the time I got to my house, the laughter had died down and the image of that pregnancy test was emblazoned on the forefront of my mind.
The little screen had unmistakably read, “Pregnant.” I slid down to the ground and leaned against my door. “Fuck, me,” I mumbled. I was still numb, still shocked but that test was solid. I had no rational reason to believe that she would be faking or show me a fake test. She’s never lied to me, ever. Naomi has always been bluntly honest with me.
It still made no sense. When Melissa and I had been trying, we went to the fertility doctor and she told me that my guys had low motility. The chances of me getting anyone pregnant were slim to none.
I loosened my collar, then took off my blazer and unbuttoned my shirt altogether. I still felt stifled and hot. I undressed and changed into workout clothes. I jogged in the dark around my neighborhood, trying to run from the buzzing thoughts in my head. The image of that stupid pregnancy test remained, though. I couldn’t get it out of my head as I made it back home, showered and poured myself more than enough scotch.
As I sat on my couch with the TV playing in the background, I stared into space and sipped from my glass. My cell phone rang next to me, it was Amy. “Hello?” I answered, my voice was hoarse so I coughed to clear my throat.
“What’s up, how was the date?” Amy asked eagerly. “Stace said she thought it went really well.”
“It was okay…too soon after Naomi, I think. And uh…” I paused, unsure what to say or how to say it.
“Uh, what?” Amy asked. I could tell she was holding something back that she wanted to say. I took another sip of my drink and then sat forward to put the glass on the coffee table.
“Naomi called me tonight and I went over there and she told me that she was pregnant,” I said. “And she showed me the pregnancy test,” I added. The line got so quiet suddenly that I had to check the phone to see if the call was still connected. “I-I don’t know what to think because it’s basically impossible for me to get anyone pregnant and if she really is pregnant that means it happened the first time we had sex,” I said in a rush.
“What do you mean if she’s really pregnant? She showed you the pregnancy test, right? She’s not crazy, right? There’s no doubt that the baby is yours?”
“Yes, no, and no.” I said. “I’m the only one she was sleeping with in a while.” I picked up my glass again and took another drink.
“Is she going to keep it?” Amy asked. I paused and my mind blanked. I hadn’t even considered that an option, I was still coming to terms with the fact that Naomi was pregnant and I was the father. I was…going to be a father.
“I reacted badly,” I groaned.
“You need to talk to her,” Amy said hurriedly. The problem was, I didn’t know what the fuck to say or how to say it.
“Fuck,” I sighed, “okay, I’ll call you back.” I hung up and then texted Naomi, I wasn’t ready to really talk yet but I had to tell her something coherent. I typed, Hey, I’m sorry for reacting like a douche. It was a shock to me and I still need time to process. I want to talk again about everything. I hit send and left it at that. She didn’t text me back after ten minutes. I poured myself another drink and got stupid drunk in my living room.
