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Chapter Twenty-One
Naomi
I woke up with puffy eyes and a heavy body. My limbs felt like I’d just hit the gym three times harder than I should have. I sat up in bed, rubbed my eyes and reached for my phone. I had a bunch of text messages and missed calls. Most were from Jess and V. But there was a text from Josh. I debated opening it. But of course, I did.
He wanted to talk again. I honestly had no more tears left so my tear ducts pricked painfully as I rubbed my eyes again. I texted him back a simple, “okay.” Then I dedicated myself to the tremendous task of getting out of bed. I made it to the bathroom and through a shower without throwing up. I got dressed, fed Jerry and debated calling V or my sister back. I texted them both to let them know that I was okay and then looked up the syllabus for my one class on Tuesdays. We weren’t doing anything that important and it was thankfully the only class that I didn’t have a midterm in.
“Looks like I’m skipping today, Jerry,” I said and pulled out my textbook to study a little and get ahead a bit. My stomach growled like an animal was inside it around noon. I needed food. “Fine, fine,” I murmured. It wasn’t as weird as I thought it was to talk to my stomach, I did have a baby in there, as surreal as it was to think about. I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich and cautiously took a bite. When my stomach didn’t heave, I scarfed down the rest of it and made another. It felt like ages since I’d been able to stomach anything.
When I heard a knock on the door, I looked at it curiously. Only V or my sister would show up unannounced. I opened the door expecting to see them. Instead, Josh stood in the doorway wearing a graphic t-shirt and jeans. His hair was disheveled and he looked as tired as my body felt.
“Rough night?” I said, to break the tension. He didn’t say anything or make any move to come inside.
“Ah, something like that,” he said. “Sorry to just show up like this,” he added. I let him inside and steeled myself for what I knew was going to be an emotionally draining conversation. I didn’t want to have it but I was pregnant and the hard talks had to be voiced.
“Can we sit outside, I’ve been cooped up all day,” I said while pointing to the balcony.
“Of course.” Josh opened the sliding door for me and I took my sandwich with me. We sat on the patio chairs and looked at the dog walking trail behind my building. People jogged and rode bikes back there too. The sun was starting to lower from its peak in the sky, which was sometimes the hottest part of the day, but thankfully the building was starting to block it.
“I’m sorry I reacted like an idiot last night,” Josh said. I glanced at him and shrugged.
“It was hard news to take. I was still in a state of shock when I told you,” I said and took a bite of my sandwich.
“I’m glad that you’re eating,” he said suddenly. “You’ve been looking like you lost weight,” he added.
“It’s hard to figure out what I can put down,” I said.
Josh nodded then pressed his fingertips together and glanced up at the sky. “I never wanted to split up,” he said.
“I know, Josh. I just—I thought that we wouldn’t be able to work. I thought you’d get bored with me,” I admitted.
He looked at me incredulously and pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Have I ever given you reason to believe that I was bored with you or that I didn’t care about our relationship?” I blinked rapidly and felt kind of like a scolded kid. “Naomi, we can stay together. Once the semester is over we won’t have to worry about me being fired or you being penalized for whatever gossip might come up,” he said earnestly.
I blinked at him, a little confused. I’d told him I was pregnant and he wanted to talk about our relationship? “What?” I said. I had to put down my sandwich on the small table between our chairs.
“I still want to be with you, Naomi. And of course I want to be here for you and for our baby. I can’t wait to be a dad,” he said as a matter of fact. My bemusement deepened and my heart pounded. He said all the right things, right? I questioned if I was dreaming or not. That was what I’d wanted to hear. That he would be there for me and be a great dad for our baby.
“Are you sure?” I asked in a small voice.
“Of course I’m sure, are you kidding?” Josh stood up and pulled me up from my chair. His arms were tight and secure around me. I took a deep and shaky breath. It was surreal how safe I felt, how sure that things were going to be okay.
Josh tilted his head and his lips met mine. I pulled away from him, kinda embarrassed. “I was just eating grilled cheese,” I said. Josh laughed.
“I don’t care,” he said and tried to kiss me again but I hopped out of his grasp.
“I care!” I darted to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Josh knocked on the bathroom door and I let him in. He spotted the pregnancy test that I still had sitting on the toilet tank. He took it and sat on the edge of the tub while looking at it.
“This is wild. I never thought I’d be able to have a baby outside of like…adoption or surrogacy,” he said. Josh looked up at me and I took a deep breath.
“This baby has beat all sort of odds because I was on birth control too,” I said. Josh smirked.
“My parents always say that when two people are meant for love, they have a baby together. They said that’s how Amy and I were born because it wasn’t supposed to happen for them either,” he said. I bit my lip to keep from tearing up. Josh was looking at the test in wonder as opposed to the confoundment on his face from the night before.
“This is incredible,” he said in a low voice.
“You’re going to make me cry ugly tears,” I warned him. Josh chuckled and put the test back. He picked me up and cradled me against his chest. Our lips met again and, my body hungry for his, lit up like a switchboard. I knew for a fact that my hormones were all over the place because my nipples hardened almost instantly and my sex throbbed with need. The feelings were heady and I felt a little winded just kissing him.
“You don’t feel sick, do you?” Josh asked.
