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I’ve never given a girl attention like this. Never cared to. But no girl has ever torn me open and pulled out the raw and real parts inside me the way Elodie has. No one has ever believed in me like she does.
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear then drag my hand down to her side. “I just wanna be around you.”
She bites the inside of her cheek again, an action I’m starting to see a lot when she’s thinking hard. “But why?”
I shrug. “I dunno, Elodie. Because I like who I am when I’m with you.”
She takes in a deep breath, eyes lapping around the parking lot a few times before coming back to mine. “It didn’t seem like it when you left me in your room…” Her voice drops to a whisper. “After you took my virginity.”
Elodie’s never admitted out loud she was a virgin, but I knew all along. Maybe that’s why I feel connected to her all of a sudden. Because she gave me something that she can’t give to anyone else. That has to be it. That has to be the reason for all these fucked-up emotions I’m feeling.
“I know,” I say apologetically. “I…I didn’t know what to say. I got freaked out and I was scared I’d say something I’d regret. So…I just left the room. I figured you would want space.”
I see the tears build in her eyes, but she won’t let them fall around me. She rarely does. “Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”
“No,” I tell her honestly. “Because you never tell me how you feel.”
She rolls her eyes, wiping just under them. “Why should I? We’re not dating, Rome.” She laughs, but the sound is empty of any humor as she points between the two of us. “We’re not even friends.”
She’s right. We’re not dating, and we’re not friends. I don’t know what the fuck Elodie is to me. All I know is I can’t quit her.
My hands go to my hair, pulling because I’m not sure what to say right now. I don’t know what to do to get her to see that things have changed. I planned to show her later, but it’s clear she needs assurances now. “Can we just get in my car and talk about this? Please.”
“Since when does Rome Cromwell use words like ‘please’ and ‘sorry’?” Elodie holds her bag to her chest like armor, and it pains me to see her build up these walls right before my eyes. “I have no idea what’s gotten into you, but forgive me for not trusting this side of you.”
I nod, clicking my tongue on the roof of my mouth. “I deserve that. You shouldn’t trust me. I guess…forget it. This was a bad idea. I’ll just go to practice.”
There’s a sharp pain in my chest that tells me to just walk away before I say too much. I can’t explain what the hell is going on because I don’t know this side of myself. With a heavy sigh, I shuffle my feet back toward the school, head hung low. This is for the best. She’s too good for me, anyways.
No!
Fuck that!
She needs to know why I was such an ass the other night, and the days after. I need her to know it wasn’t about her; it was about me.
I spin back around, ready to go after her, just as she calls out, “Rome! Wait!”
The parking lot is nearly empty now, and we’re the only ones standing out here.
Quickly, we close the space between us. I narrow my eyes, hands at my sides. “I fucked up, Freckles. Your first time should have been special and I made it all about me.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not mad at you for that. I don’t want to be your enemy anymore, Rome. I want us to work together and figure out who’s behind all this creepy stuff that keeps happening.”
I nod. “I see.” Elodie wants us to work together. That’s why she called me back over. I shouldn’t be disappointed because I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t that. “I’ve got you.” I pull her in for a hug. “We’ll get to the bottom of it.” My fingers stroke through her soft hair as her head rests on my chest. I don’t wanna let her go because I might not ever get her back.
Elodie takes a step back and I let go of her. “Still wanna drive me home?”
“Yeah.” I swipe my thumb across my chin, fighting hard not to kiss her right here and now. “Yeah. Let’s go.”
I grab her hand and lead her to the passenger side of my car, then I open the door and wait for her to get in before closing it. Suddenly my little toy has made me her bitch. It’s ironic as fuck.
Once I’m in the driver’s seat, I start the engine, but pause before shifting into drive. “I need to say something before we go, Freckles.”
I’m not good at talking about feelings and shit, but I have to try. I reach over and grab her hand, watching as I trace the lines on her palm. “My anger was never about you. It was about me. I fucked up and I just needed someone to blame. You were just a casualty in my own healing and I’m sorry for that.”
“Rome—”
“Let me finish.” My eyes shoot to hers. “When I looked down at you after our first time together, I realized I could never hate you the way I wanted to. In fact, I don’t hate you at all.”
