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I shook my head.
“Going down memory lane?”
That was code for the shit life my parents had made us go through when we were younger and the memories we had to live with. Our parents were conservative people who thought anyone that wasn’t like them was living in sin. We grew up in a strict environment, being shamed for wanting to be like other kids, for playing or being different.
“Surprisingly no, but it is only morning. I still have all day to stroll down those memories,” I said, sarcastically.
“Seriously, are you ok?” I knew that tone and I did not want her to psychoanalyze me with her fancy psychology degree.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, waving down the waiter to get our check. “You ready to head out?”
She stared at me for a second. “I’m always here, even though you think that because you're my big brother, you have to shoulder the burden alone. I’m a big girl now with big girl panties.”
“Yeah, I don’t want to be thinking about your panties,” I said, grabbing the check from the waiter, and giving him cash. “Come on rugrat, let's get out of here. I still have a few things to do before tonight.”
“Oooh, hot date?” She perked up.
“I wish,” I said, thinking of the woman who had made me go crazy for the past two days. “Just a small gathering of friends.”
“That sounds like a bootay call.” She cackled when she saw my face. “I know you have sex, E, it's not that big a deal. I mean we both have needs?—”
“Yeah, let's not go there,” I said, interrupting her, walking through the restaurant.
I heard Charlene’s laugh echo even above the loudness of the restaurant. Once we got to the car, I felt her tension. I knew she had something to say.
“Spit it out,” I said, starting the car, turning the heat on because the September mornings were getting colder.
“I’m just wondering if you're ever going to start living for you, E,” she said, like it was the easiest concept.
“I do live for me, Char,” I said, trying not to get defensive.
This had been her argument for the last few months.
“No, you do so much for others that I think you forget about yourself,” she said with conviction. “Go out on a date, a vacation, anything as long as it's for you.”
“I do a lot for myself,” I said, defensively.
“I don’t think you do enough,” she countered.
I rolled my eyes.
“Fine, I’ll go have a one-night stand,” I said, looking over at her wondering what she would think of the lifestyle I had in Denver. “Maybe I’ll fall in love and move to Denver.”
“That might be a tall order to ask for, but I think it's a step in the right direction,” she smirked. “But I would be happy with a sister-in-law or a brother-in-law.”
“Just because you’re all starry-eyed for your man doesn’t mean the rest of us are destined for love.” I playfully shoved her, loving that she always accepted me.
“I can’t help it,” she laughed. “For once in my life I feel like I belong somewhere.”
Looking over at her, she looked so happy. It warmed my heart to hear her carefree and happy. This made everything I had done for her so worth it. She deserved everything and so much more.
“I just hope you let yourself be happy too.”
After breakfast, I worked till I had to get ready for the party I was heading to, at least that's what I told Charlene. She didn’t know about the double life I led, what I had done to get us where we were. And let’s not delve into what I like to do in my spare time.
I chuckled as I buttoned up my shirt wondering what she would say about this life I lived that she had no idea about. It started as something I was curious about, that turned into weekends exploring my sexuality. I fell into the kink community, and I have enjoyed it ever since.
Tonight wasn’t a party, it was a kink workshop. My friend Genevieve had asked me to come and help her do some demonstrations. She taught female dominance, how to find your inner dominatrix and an array of other courses. She usually held them at the local sex club, The Atelier. Tonight, it was a private party and she usually held these at her penthouse in the city.
