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He wanted to marry me. He told me it was this weekend.
“You don’t sound excited about a wedding, missie. I thought girls liked planning those things.”
“I…”
He paused, leaning on his shovel. “Better tell a man if you have cold feet. There’s no point in starting a life together with lies. That is the way to misery. Mark my words, missie.” He wagged a gloved finger at me.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love Sean, but…
“It’s not that. I don’t know if I have a choice.”
I thought about Sean steamrolling his way into my life and all the decisions he’d made without me. He said he would do better, but maybe I wasn’t firm enough because he hadn’t. Not by keeping the information about Boyan from me and unilaterally deciding on a wedding this weekend. Maybe I got swept up in the relief of someone taking care of me, protecting me, loving me. I may have decided to take the plunge with him, but the events of the last few days left my head reeling. Was I ready to be his wife?
“I’ve met many people in my time. Supposedly good men, law-abiding, upstanding citizens. Plenty of ’em would stab you in the back as soon as look at you. But Sean? What you see is what you get. He looks after his family, that one. If you’re his woman, I’d wager you could ask for the moon, and he’d try to pull it out of the sky for you.”
I hummed. That was probably true. He’d done so much for me already.
“Gotta put your foot down, that’s all. Give him a red card.”
I laughed at the football reference and imagined pulling out a red card from my pocket every time Sean went over the top. I might have been growing in confidence, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.
“Go on with you now. I don’t want you to get cold or Sean thinking I might be tryin’ to steal you.”
“He is a jealous man.” I shook my head, thinking of his previous antics.
It was equally as frustrating as it was flattering.
I said goodbye to Albert, and the dogs trotted behind me as I returned to the house.
“Do you not want to marry me?” Sean’s voice startled me, and I screamed.
The dogs barked, and my heart raced inside my chest. My eyes flew to where his voice came from. He leaned against the wall behind a bush, shirtless and wearing only jogging bottoms.
He looked as delicious as he did dressed up, but my breath caught at the look on his face.
“What are you doing out here?”
“Looking for my fiancée. You weren’t in the house.”
“So you were spying on me?”
“I got here in time to hear you tell Albert you had cold feet.” He looked devastated.
“I didn’t mean that. I just…”
“You just what? Do you still think I’m like Boyan? Do you think you’ll end up like your mother?” He ran a hand through his hair.
I snapped my mouth shut because, despite everything, I didn’t think that anymore. Then, the realisation hit me that what bothered me the most was that I wanted to be his equal.
“I don’t like it when you make all the decisions. You don’t treat me as an equal. You’ve done so much for me, but like drugging me, you took away my choice, and now you’re telling me the wedding is in a few days. I love you, Sean, but I don’t know if I’m ready.”
A lump lodged in my throat.
He searched my face. “Okay, we’ll wait.”
“Just like that?”
“Albert isn’t wrong when he said I would fetch the moon from the sky for you. I thought getting married would help you know I wanted you forever.” He dragged a hand down his face. “But I can see how it looks. I promised to tell you more, but I didn’t. I’ve always made decisions based on what I think is best. I’m sorry. It will take time, a chuisle. Will you give me time?”
