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She wrapped her arm around my back, not so much supporting my weight but giving me a stabilizing touchstone. I looked down to see the stubborn set of her jaw.
A few things had changed about her since the canneries. There was a time I would have never seen her snarl at a shifter like she had with Ashton. I tried not to feel lousy about it, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at least a little that she’d had to become so strong in my absence.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to feel strong and capable—of course I wanted that for her. But it was the fact that she’d had to become that way as a direct result of my failure, and had to keep doing it time and time again. I didn’t want to be a tough guy or a hard-ass with my pack. Especially not with the people who’d joined us after being the victims of Lanyon Clover.
I had empathy for what they were going through because I’d only been there a week and was still struggling to hold myself together. I couldn’t even imagine what it was like to have been stuck there for months, to have lost the ability to shift fully or even shift at all.
People had been telling me for weeks that I was giving folks too much grace. And today, it had almost cost me my entire family.
I was failing. As an alpha, as a mate, as a husband. Now, the Pied Piper was going to come calling.
Chapter 4
Marley
I could feel Cole’s self-loathing through our mating bond. It was so common these days that it was hard not to think it was something I was feeling innately—that I was mired in my own self-loathing. I didn’t resent him for the feeling; in a strange way, I was sort of relieved that he sometimes experienced some of the same doubt and uncertainty I so often felt.
It wasn’t so much that I wanted Cole to feel badly, but it was nice to know I wasn’t alone in this misplaced urge to take too much responsibility for everything. Or to feel like everything was going to crumble apart before I had a chance to fix it.
All the same, there was a conversation we’d been putting off, and it was time to finally address it. Cole hadn’t been alone in his complacency. I'd let myself become too comfortable, too.
I helped him into our bedroom and sat him down on the edge of the bed. “Stay there,” I said quietly. “I’m going to get you a change of clothes. Yours are all covered in blood.”
He nodded as I turned away, wandering over to the walk-in closet he’d built for us in our room. I opened one of the dressers and got him a pair of sweats and one of his black lounging tees. I brought them over to him, ruminating distractedly on whether we should finally just commit to moving in here or keep splitting our time between here and the beach house.
Between the condo, the beach house, and now headquarters, we were constantly underprepared for things. I never thought I’d own three charging cables for my laptop, but here we were.
I was still zoned out as I helped Cole out of his bloody shirt, thoughts swapping from the multiple homes to the need to soak Cole’s shirt and get some seltzer water to tackle the blood stains before they set in. I was still thinking about it when Cole finally said something.
“Could you just tell me what you’re going to say already?” he asked, his tone a little tense. “This silence is freaking me out.”
I blinked, handing him his new shirt. “Huh?”
“I can tell that you’re going to say something. I can tell that you’re thinking about something, and I just—I want to rip the band-aid off if you’re going to leave me.”
“L-leave you? What are you talking about?” I asked, shocked. “Cole, I’m not going to leave you. Where the hell did you get that idea?”
“I can tell you’re pissed off.”
“Not at you,” I insisted. “And even if I was—honey, we’re married. I wouldn’t just bail on you the first moment I was angry.”
“If I’d been tougher on Ashton...Marley, he came right for you and Noah. Noah tried to protect you. If I’d been a moment later, I’d be weeping over your bodies right now,” he said, burying his head in his hands. “All because of me.”
I heaved a sigh, pulling his hands away from his face and inclining his head so his gaze met mine. His eyes had welled up with tears, and I sat down on his lap, still holding his chin in my hands.
“First of all, you can’t tell what would have happened,” I began. “Maybe I would have tackled Noah out of the way, and he would have missed us, or Travis would have gotten there first. Second of all, it could have happened, but it didn’t. And we have to think about that, too. We have to remember that just because something could have happened doesn’t mean we have to react as if it did.”
“Marley, I don’t want to have my head shrunk right now,” Cole groaned.
“Well, that’s too bad,” I said bluntly. “I’m your wife, and I’m not going to let you melt into a puddle every time I’m put at risk. Frankly, if you do that, you’re always going to fall apart. Because until we get some stuff put in order, I’m going to be put at risk a lot.”
“I can protect you,” he said, his voice taking on a fervent, almost defensive tone.
“I know you can,” I said. “And you did. But I’ve told you time and time again: I don’t want to rely on you for that, Cole. I want to be able to protect myself, too.”
His lips pressed into a thin line before he closed his eyes and sighed. “Is it that time already?”
“What time?” I asked, confused.
