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Instead, I watch the kid bounce against Cade’s back with every step he takes, wondering if I should have let Dove kill him.
Is my compassion a mistake?
He may be young, but this tau is a soldier, brainwashed by the Order. There is a risk in taking him back with us. When he wakes up, he may not be very receptive to answering our questions.
Something about this doesn’t seem right. None of my attackers today seemed to have been brainwashed. Their eyes were clear, and there were no Order soldiers with them giving them instructions. None of this makes sense, but I’m too exhausted, too hurt to wade through the mountain of facts swirling around my brain.
What I do know is that unease sits in my gut like a solid weight as I stare at the top of his head. Whatever this kid’s deal is, we’ll figure it out. He may know shit that can help us in our fight against the Order. It’s a long shot, but this could be the best lead yet.
I try to keep up with Cade’s long strides, but every step is torture. The blood that had been slowly oozing is now dripping through my fingers, staining my side and hip, leaving a trail through the woods behind me.
Fuck.
The wound is deep enough that my wolf can’t brush it off, and the edges of my vision are starting to blur.
I’m so focused on putting one foot in front of the other that I don’t notice Cade stopping abruptly until he lowers the unconscious boy to the ground. He’s not tired—that’s not the reason we’re stopping—which means I’m about to get a lecture.
Fucking fabulous.
As he turns to me, a flicker of uncertainty hits me. He doesn’t look like he’s thinking about trying to reason with me. I can tell he’s considering punching me—hard. There is no chance in hell I can fight him in the state I’m in, but I brace anyway as he swallows the space in front of me.
My alpha is a big guy, with shoulders that block out daylight as he squares up to me. He scans my face, as if he expects an answer without asking a question. He doesn’t need to say a word, though. I can read him clearly. He doesn’t want to believe I’m this far gone for a female I’m not mated to, one who used to side with the enemy. One who doesn’t even seem to be here anymore.
“I don’t know how to reach you anymore.” Cade’s voice breaks, his words raw and filled with turmoil.
I didn’t expect his genuine pain. Guilt slithers through. I would rather he hit me. I wish I could be the Jackson I used to be, but that ship has sailed. I’m forever changed by Dove coming into my life.
I know I should offer an olive branch here and try to repair some of the bridges I’ve burned, but the anger within me won’t allow it. I lift my chin, defiance in every line of my body.
“I don’t need to be reached.” My tone is bitter, filled with a resentment that I’ve not experienced since I was first taken in by Cade.
“You’re making decisions that scare me, Jacks. I don’t understand the hold this female has over you.”
Awkwardly, I twist to look over my shoulder, ignoring the pull on my wound and the way more blood spills through my fingers.
Dove is standing a few feet from us, her milky gaze locked on the trees ahead. I don’t know if she can hear him, but the urge to protect her from my alpha’s words rears its head.
My chest heaves as I drag in a ragged breath. “Don’t.” The word comes out harsher than I intend, and Cade’s eyes narrow on me.
“Don’t? You’re still siding with her, even though she’s destroying everything you are?”
My lips peel up into a snarl. This is why I keep my distance. They don’t understand. They’ll never get what I feel for her.
“You’re the one destroying everything,” I snap at him. “Don’t treat me like some dumb pup. I know what I’m doing, Cade.”
My alpha shakes his head. “No, I don’t think you do. You’re not yourself around her.”
No, I’m not. The feelings I have for Dove are unlike anything I’ve ever experienced—at least, that I remember. I was lost for a long time after I came to Cade. I don’t recall my life before that point, but that doesn’t mean I’m being led around by my dick. I understand what I’m doing, and the fact that my pack brothers think I don’t pisses me off.
Dove feels familiar in this unfamiliar landscape. I don’t know what she thinks of me, but I have to assume there’s something there—or at least there seemed to be before she was broken.
Even now, there is a connection between us. I left her at the cabin, and yet she came to me, found me in the middle of the woods, and protected me from harm.
I would have died had she not been there, but now… It’s as if someone flicked a switch in her brain and turned her off again. It’s not the first time she’s used her powers while in this fugue state, but her ability to know exactly when to help tells me she’s not as gone as we believe. Dove’s still there somewhere, and while she is, I won’t give up on her.
“No, I’m not,” I agree, “but not because she’s done something to me. And I’m pissed that you think I’m so taken in by her that I can’t think rationally.”
He has the good grace to look contrite as I say this, but it doesn’t help calm me. I’ve been dealing with this bullshit for weeks now.
