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"It means that this is all requiring an adjustment to what I thought a long-term relationship would look like in my life,” he says. “I’m trying to figure out how this works for me. If it works for me.”
I’m surprised by how hard the pain jabs me with his words. "I'm telling Crew tonight," I repeat firmly.
"And I'm not ready," Owen says.
Cam swears under his breath.
And suddenly I don't feel angry. I feel sad. Because we have a really great thing going, and I don't know if it's going to keep going.
"I'm telling Crew about me, Cam, and Luna,” I say. “But I won’t say anything about you.”
Owen nods. "Okay."
"But you need to leave," I tell him. My voice is firm and I can tell when he looks in my eyes he knows I am very unhappy.
Yup, happy-go-lucky, everything-is-always-sunshine, Alexsei Ryan is pissed off.
"Why?"
"Because Luna is on her way down here to join us. And I want her to hear two men tell her brother that they love her and want to be with her and that they’re in. All in. I want her to feel that. And if you're here, but not saying those things, it'll hurt her. And I don't like to see her hurt. When she's hurt, it makes me want to punch people. Especially the people who hurt her.” I stop and take a breath and make myself say calmly, “And I don't think the team is going to think it's very cool if I start punching our coach the night after a big win. They’ll want to know what's going on and you don't want to answer those questions."
Owen looks down at his beer, takes a deep breath, lifts his mug and drains it, then sets it down hard on the table. "Fine." Then he gets up, and stalks toward the door.
I watch him go, watch the door slam behind him, then look at Cam. "Well…fuck."
Cam nods. "Yeah."
CHAPTER 27
Owen
I'm pacing the sidewalk outside the bar when Luna comes around the corner.
I had to wait for her. I couldn't leave and have Cam and Alexsei tell her why I left. Or have them lie for me. She and I need to have this conversation.
It’s probably overdue.
I’ve just been putting it off because I don’t want to lose her. So, I’ve been stalling.
She walks up, giving me a bright smile, and my heart clenches in my chest. How can I let her go? I love her so fucking much. Why can't I just do this thing?
But committing to one person, bringing one person into my life, trying to be everything that one person needs me to be is a big step. Bringing three people into my life, and trying to be everything they need me to be? How the fuck am I going to do that?
They asked me if I’m worried about what people will say. If I’m worried that people will think I’m gay, or will make homophobic comments or jokes. I don't care about any of that. The people who really know me know the truth, and honestly, if someone thinks I’m in love with, or in a romantic or sexual relationship with Cam or Alexsei, I don’t care. They're both amazing men. Fuck what other people think.
No, it's all about the fact that being what someone needs, being there for them, not letting them down, is a big deal.
I mess up with Brady on a regular basis. I’ve let Chelsea down over the years, and we’re not even committed to one another. Except that we are, right? We are in a relationship. It’s not romantic or sexual, but she needs me to be there for her and our kid at times. We need to communicate. We need to trust each other. And I fall short in that sometimes. Of course, other women have, obviously, found me unable to commit the way they needed me to.
How the hell can I go from being unable to handle one relationship to juggling a relationship with three people? Especially these three? Luna, Cam, and Alexsei would expect me to be an equal fourth of this relationship and…if I’m completely honest, I'm not really sure what I bring to this dynamic.
It’s clear what they all give one another. It's clear why they all need each other.
I don't know why any of them need me.
And I don't want to be a fourth wheel.
Luna sees me and starts running toward me. "Oh my God! I am so happy for you!"
