AllFreeNovel
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“This seat taken?” I ask, already sitting beside him.
He laughs softly. “Is now. Especially if you’re willing to share that blanket.”
“Brought it just for you.”
“Us,” he corrects, sitting forward so I can wrap my blanket around his shoulders, then shifting the thermos to his left hand so he can nudge the right side of the blanket toward my back. I help him out, pulling it over my shoulders as well. It forces us to be pressed closely together, so close his right thigh is nearly on top of my left. I rest a hand on his knee and pull a little until he’s turning and shifting even closer. We don’t stop until both of his knees are settled on my left thigh and his freezing cold nose is tucked beneath my ear, with the blanket fully wrapped around us and the thermos awkwardly digging into my sternum. “Is this okay for your bruises and stuff?”
I smile into his hair. “This is perfect, Nol.”
He hums in agreement, his body going lax against me. “Did they tell you Travis is back?”
“Yup.” I tighten my hold on him. “Don’t even want to think about it right now, to be honest.”
“And let me guess—you didn’t go to the doctor because of him being back.”
“I… did not.”
“That we’re going to talk out,” he says, giving me a no-bullshit look.
I chuckle, unable to hide the fondness in the sound. Fuck, I like this man an awful lot. “Go ahead.”
“Actually, there’s not much to talk about. You just… have to go, Maison. Please.”
“I will.”
“Now.”
“Once I know Carter is okay. And before you argue, it’s non-negotiable. Not after the fight with him. I triggered him really fucking badly, and I have this awful feeling that whatever is going on right now has something to do with it.” I shake my head. “I’m not going to be caught up in the middle of an X-ray or some shit if he needs me.”
He smiles, but it’s sad. Disappointed. “You’re a good brother.”
“Yeah, tell him that.”
“What happened?” he asks, his voice soft. He strokes his thumb along the dip in my throat, right above the collar of my sweatshirt. It makes everything inside of me go soft.
“I snapped. Just wanted him to listen to me and he wouldn’t.”
“Listen to you, or forgive you?”
The words feel a little too accusatory. “Is it so much to ask him to do both?”
“I really don’t know.” He makes a thoughtful noise. “You know Bryce?”
“How could I not?” I huff a slight laugh. Bryce is a man of action, always grilling us about this or that, always snooping around security outside like he expects to catch them misbehaving, always looking a second away from a fight. I have no fucking idea why he’s still at the safe house, but I don’t see him lasting much longer. “Dude is a mini-menace.”
“He totally is. He’s also having an extremely hard time forgiving Jake and Travis. He understands why they acted how they did, why they let him suffer, why they hurt him themselves. He understands, logically, that they saved him. That without them, we’d still be slaves. But none of that erases the fact that both of those men have stood in the room while he was beaten and tortured and raped. It doesn’t erase the fact that on Bryce’s absolute worst day in the compound, Jake was within reaching distance with a drink in his hand, laughing about something without even bothering to glance over as Bryce bled out on the hardwood floor. Yes, Jake and Travis saved him in the end and he’s grateful for that, but that doesn’t erase the hurt he suffered, you know?”
I nod.
“With Carter,” Nolan continues, and now I realize where he’s going with this. “He understands why you made the decisions you made. He understands that you saved him and saved Casey and saved hundreds—maybe even thousands—of others. He understands that the truth would have been too risky. But that understanding doesn’t erase the hurt, you know? It doesn’t erase the consequences of your decisions.”
“I get that.”
“Do you?” He tilts his head to meet my eyes, not looking judgmental, just curious. “Because it sounds like every time you apologize to him, you expect him to erase all that stuff. You expect him to say he understands, push his own shit aside, and forgive you.”
“I don’t expect that at all.”
“Then what do you expect? What do you want when you apologize to him? Because to forgive you, he needs to push it all aside, he needs to let it go, and he’s not ready for that. I think it’s pretty obvious he’s not ready. So, when you keep pushing with your apologies, what is it you want from him if it’s not forgiveness?”
