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Alfie looked back to himself in his laundered clothing. It was almost odd to see him outside my room, dressed like he had been the night Harriet and I took him. So much had changed.
I packed my knife and slid a gun into the holster at my waist before concealing it under my jacket. When I turned around, Alfie was wolfing down one of Harriet’s muffins from the kitchen counter.
‘No,’ I said, lunging for it and knocking it from his hand. Crumbs coated his lips.
‘What was that for?’ Came his mumbled reply as he swallowed down a mouthful.
Panic swirled in my stomach. I’d push my fingers down his goddamned throat if I needed to. Before I had the chance, Harriet’s laughter rang out behind me.
‘No need for dramatics. I haven’t poisoned him. Yet, anyway,’ she said, rolling her eyes.
‘That’s the best fucking muffin I’ve ever tasted. Holy fuck, you can bake.’ Alfie yoinked another from the countertop and tucked in.
My heart was thundering ten to the dozen. I placed my hands on the counter and took a few slow breaths. The strength of feeling I had for him was threatening to drown me.
Alfie made his way back to the room, happy as Larry with his muffin in hand.
‘How could you do it?’ Harriet said in a low voice.
‘Do what?’
‘Choose him over me. After everything.’ The fact that hurt was evident in her voice sent sharp pains through me. I’d never wanted to hurt her.
‘He paid for what he did. I offered to get him out before you killed him.’ Harriet’s brow furrowed, the corners of her mouth pulling downward. ‘You nearly killed him. He’s not the devil you think he is. I promise. He reminds me an awful lot of you, actually.’
‘Broken?’ she said, anger barbing the word.
‘Strong. Resilient. Just.’
‘He told me you loved me.’
‘I love you. Not past tense. It was always you.’ Turning towards her, I reached out and threaded her fingers into mine. She tensed up but didn’t pull away.
‘It’s not me now. I was only good enough until you found someone better.’
‘You didn’t want me,’ I said. Putting the words out into reality hurt.
‘I just needed to take care of the demons who haunted me first. I didn’t believe that you could truly love me, not romantically. Every look was always filled to the brim with pity.’ Her eyes searched mine.
‘It was never pity.’
‘But now you have Alfie. Broken, but he can give you everything on a platter that I can’t.’ Why had she waited so long to tell me that there truly had been feelings on her part? ‘I thought you’d always be here with me.’
‘I will.’ Somehow.
‘Do you think he’s going to want to stay down here forever? Living beneath the real world while we kill people? He’s a millionaire, Petros. He’s not one of us. He hasn’t lived the life we have.’ Her words were still laced with anger.
‘I don’t know how it will work.’
‘You’ll leave me. You’ll go and live in his playboy mansion with him. I’ll be nothing but a deranged memory.’
‘Harriet,’ I whispered, pulling her to me and setting my mouth over hers. She opened her lips and kissed me, but the slide of her tongue was coated with sadness. The touch of her skin against my hands felt like a goodbye rather than a hello.
I pulled away; our faces still close. Her eyes flashed with an unreadable emotion.
‘After we go to Rosenhall, I’m going ahead on my own. After I have the information, you can go. Be with him. Live a normal life.’ I grazed my thumb over her cheek as she spoke, each word as much of a wound as she’d inflicted on Alfie.
‘No, Harriet I don’t want that.’
