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I sunk down onto the sand, far away enough that the water didn’t reach my toes as I pushed them into the sand.
I didn’t know how long I sat, watching the moon’s reflection ripple, before I spotted someone further down the beach.
Shay Mac Eoin, watching the water.
His eyes were wide, reflecting the moon's glow, and his lips pulled down as if overwhelmed by the sheer size of the lake in front of him.
Sensing my gaze, he turned, noticing my presence further down the beach. His braids remained still as he glanced back to the meeting hut and the celebration underway.
“Did you escape?” I joked.
“Only for a moment.” Shay pushed his hands into his pockets, taking a few steps until he sank onto his bum by my side. “There’s only so much a man can take.”
“The heat?” I suggested.
“The bride.”
“Oof.” I exhaled a laugh. “She loves you; what’s wrong with that? Did you see how she looks at you like you hung the moon and stars?” I waved toward the moon’s reflection in the lake.
Shay rolled his eyes, but his lip curled. “She doesn’t know me.”
“Does that matter?” I wondered. “You chose her.”
“Did I?” Shay mused. His voice had an eerie, far-away quality. “How did you know that Tor was your Shíorghrá, that you belonged to Rainn? How did you know that you were destined to be together?”
My brow furrowed. “The gods made it pretty clear,” I said, explaining Rainn’s gifted coat and Tormalugh’s markings.
Shay sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I doubt you would have conceded to the bond if you didn’t feel something for them. It's not purely sexual, is it? I’ve seen the way that Rainn looks at you as if he would kill someone if they upset you. And Tor, a male who didn’t know the sound of his own laughter, looks at you as if you are the essence of joy in this world.”
“I can’t speak to their feelings.” I shrugged. “But they have protected me. They follow me even when I am making stupid decisions. By all rights, they could have run away and left me, but they haven’t. They care about me. They listen to me. I’ve never had that.”
“Nymphs are incredibly sexual creatures.” Shay closed his eyes, lying back on the sand. “I have been inside more people than I can count, but it’s just bodies. After a while, even pleasure seems hollow if no love is attached to it.”
“Have you slept with Ilaria?” I whispered, unsure why I asked the question and why I cared about the answer.
Shay didn’t open his eyes. “Yes. Nymphs feed their magic on sexual arousal.”
I couldn’t breathe. I placed my hand over my mouth and pinched my bottom lip between my thumb. “And you don’t love her?” I rasped.
If Shay heard the tremor in my voice, he ignored it.
“The elders assure me we will breed a Mac Eoin heir.” He said with scorn.
“But do you want to marry her?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
Shay’s eyes opened, and they blazed silver when he looked into mine. “It’s expected of me.”
“But why?”
“I don’t suppose you would understand, Cruinn. You were cast out from your people and expected to look pretty and shut your mouth. I actually have to lead my people.” Shay sat up, his jaw hard. He brandished his finger, poking my shoulder. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”
I resisted the urge to reach up and rub the sore skin where he had jabbed me. Showing weakness seemed like a bad idea. Instead, I met his color-changing gaze, allowing the hurt I felt to twist my expression.
He was right, but damned if it didn’t hurt when he reminded me that the undine had thrown me away. Cast me out.
“If it doesn’t matter, go back to your dinner. Kiss your bride. Fuck her too. Make her see the stars and scream loud enough for the Gods to hear.” I growled, putting my hands up and holding them between us. His face was perilously close to mine. His shoulder brushed against mine. His long leg touched mine. “Just stop whining about it.” I shook my head, disgust seeping into my words.
“Don’t you think I’m trying?” Shay growled. “Maeve…” his eyes flicked to pale ice blue, cold, and alien. Something slotted into place inside of me. I just didn’t know what it was.
