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I wanted to keep those truths about me buried and locked away forever, but I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to tell Luna what happened between Alexis and me.
I always think of it as Alexis and me as opposed to Alexis and Jackson.
Jackson played a pivotal part in our destruction, but in my eyes, Alexis was to blame more because she was carrying my child.
Over the years, I've tried not to think about what happened between us.
Sometimes I can shut it off, but most times I can’t.
Sometimes, in the echoes of my mind, I still hear that little heartbeat.
I don't want to forget that sound, although remembering cuts me to the core. It's just one of those things I'll have to live with for the rest of my life.
Everyone who knows me knows the story. It's become threaded into the fibers of the past. Nobody talks about it anymore because it's not the kind of thing people want to remember. But because it happened to me, I have to live with it, whether I want to or not.
Although Luna and I have started eating the food I prepared, I can tell that conversation has thrown us out of sync.
We've been talking as normal, but something about us feels different, and something in her has changed.
I've grown so close to her over the last few weeks and months that I can pick up things like that straightaway.
The princess's heart broke for me when I revealed my scars inside and out, but I know she would have picked up on the fact that I said I was in love with Alexis and wanted to marry her.
Knowing my girl the way I do, she would have thought of the fine print of our relationship again. The contract.
The contract binding us together for business purposes. I can't change that, but I can move forward.
Luna has no idea that I’ve fallen deeper in love with her than I ever have for any woman.
Like an asshole on crack, time has waived another truth before me. The truth that I'm no longer just seeing how things are going between us.
The truth is I want to keep her. I want to keep Luna, keep being her husband, keep her as my wife. But once again, I've fallen into my own trap.
The problem that was there from the beginning is still there now. It's only worse and is starting to fester like an open sore.
Now that I want to keep her, a new problem has arisen.
Instead of worrying about how Luna will react to the truth, I now have to consider that if I want her, I have to tell her everything before the truth comes out.
By everything I mean everything.
Like how I never planned to keep her.
The day wears on. We have fun, and I do my best to hide my inner turmoil.
We have the best time in Antigua, and when it's time to set sail for New York, I fall deeper in love with my wife.
I love watching her as she stares out at the sea, seeming to be fascinated by the same things that intrigue me.
I love making love to her at night and watching her wake up in the morning in the bright sunlight.
I love everything about her, and I know losing her would mean losing my soul to the darkness again.
We arrive back in New York a few days later, leaving behind the magical time we spent in the Caribbean. But a different sort of magic takes place between us as a couple. It grows stronger day by day.
Soon, the days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months that include her sailing to Nova Scotia with me where we win the sailing competition. Then we head to Portugal, where we have a better time than we did in the Caribbean.
Suddenly, we're in October, and I'm aware of two things. One, I'm even more crazy in love with Luna. And two, her father is now a breath away from getting the title of New York's next governor.
