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No one would believe that I would be doing something this bizarre and risqué. Not me, the good girl who always plays so well by the rules I could write a book.
Not even I believe it, but I wanted tonight to be about stepping out of my comfort zone and being utterly wild and free.
I rush to the door of the guest house and slip inside just before the rain starts to pour.
It's dark inside and quiet, but that’s how Ryan likes it sometimes. He says it helps him think after a long journey.
The only light I have is the moon, so I follow the silver-lit path in search of him.
When I reach the living room and find him standing by the glass wall, I stop by the doorway to gather my thoughts and watch him.
He’s got his back to me so he can’t see me, and in the darkness I can't see him properly either. But just watching him and knowing he’s here fills my heart with delight.
The moonlight on his dark blond hair and his six-foot-four muscular stature gives him a regal glow, like an avenging angel.
Seeing him like this now confirms he’s the most perfect man I’ve ever met.
And now I’m nervous. So nervous my heart feels like it’s racing in the NASCAR Cup Series.
In my haste I didn’t really think properly about what I was going to say to him. Or about how I was actually going to carry out this plan of mine. I just knew I had to do it.
Ryan’s last tour was the longest he’d ever been away, so that kiss feels like it happened years ago. He kept in touch more after but seeing him now is everything to me.
Whatever he’s thinking about must have him so engrossed that he doesn’t appear to notice I’m here.
Is he thinking about me too?
The prospect gives me an added dose of courage, so I walk into the living room, my heels clicking against the hardwood floor.
He turns to look at me but I still can’t see his face properly, only the outline of his firm jaw and ruffled hair.
Now that I have his attention my nerves are wrapping around my organs.
I'm about to switch on the light but I think better of it when the thought hits me that the darkness might help my nerves. At least to start with. Being locked in the glow of the silver moon also adds to the sexiness of this moment.
It may also be best if I just jump into telling him how I feel. If we start talking I might feel all weird about what I'm doing and chicken out.
"You’re here." I try to make my voice sound excited and flirty. “I'm so glad you made it tonight.”
“I’m—”
“Wait.” I cut him off and summon the courage to speak the words I’ve wanted him to hear for far too long. “Before you say anything, I have something important to tell you. I've always loved you, Ryan. Always. What we shared last Christmas meant everything to me, so I want you to be my first." There. I said it. I actually said it.
Telling him I love him is the bravest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Now for the hard part.
With my heart pounding against my throat I undo my belt and allow the coat to slide down my shoulders, revealing my nakedness. My exposed breasts feel heavy and hot even though the room is cool.
My core aches at the thought of being with him and I can’t wait to know what it will feel like when he’s finally inside me.
All that waiting through high school and college feels worth it now, and like a moment of triumph I never want to forget. But Ryan is standing there speechless, probably thinking about what he should say to me.
It’s understandable that this conversation is very different from any other we’ve shared. Usually he’d kick off with what was going on with him in the Army, then ask me about something I like. I read manga and draw it sometimes, so we’d end up talking about that. Tonight is nothing like that.
Nervousness sets in again as he continues to stare, but then my confidence returns when he strides up to me and I'm wrapped in the scent of musk and sandalwood.
My heels give my five-foot-four stature an edge, making me a kissable distance away from him.
Ryan touches my cheek, running his finger along my jaw, then he holds my face and I want him to kiss me the way he did at Christmas. But the thought fizzles in my mind when he flips on the light switch next to us, and I find myself staring into warm champagne-colored eyes.
