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My limbs moved on their own accord, as if someone pulled the strings and I was a puppet. Through the door, I made my way down to the kitchen, where some of the workers looked at me with empty eyes. Everyone here was dead on the inside, just like me.
Usually, my trips to the kitchen were quick, but not this time. I took my time studying the place and making notes on certain items for later. Like all the other times, though, I had no appetite. The small bun I grabbed and forced myself to consume was an automatic action as a means to keep my broken body going for some bizarre reason. Well, and if I didn't eat, then they'd tie me down and force-feed me.
Time passed by a blur, and by the time I realized it, I'd snuck into the kitchen sometime in the night and grabbed a jug of oil and a can of gasoline before retreating to my room. Then, I struck the match after dumping the oil and gasoline onto the mattress, the pile of clothes, and the room. The small flame consumed the wooden match stick, charring it along its path.
Whoosh!
Then, match after match, I lit them and threw them into the growing fire that blazed around me. Hot waves of flame and blazes grabbed at my body, but it only hurt for a moment. I felt something, then nothing.
I'd accepted my fate.
I didn't try to escape.
All I did was lay down on the floor and curl up into a tight ball, waiting for death to come and take me.
"It was me… I did it. The fire. It was me. But… I barely remember it, just the fire, the flames, the pain, then the bliss of freedom in my grasp. I couldn't wait to see my dad again, to have him smile and hold me." Words no longer came out as all I could do was sob into Stepan's chest.
All this time, it was me. "Why am I so fucked up? Why did I do that? Why did I lie about Nana? About the fire, nearly everything." The abuse did happen. None of what happened to me was a lie, but the day everything ended and the strange girl which stemmed from my nickname in the place, all those details were some fabrication.
Pressing a kiss against my forehead, Stepan spoke against my temple, "You were a child still, tigress, your mind did what it could to protect you, to preserve whatever was left of you. Eventually, you just believed it all, and it became the truth to you. You were protecting yourself, to survive and persevere. You are not fucked up, you are perfect. You had fucked up things happen to you, but that didn't screw you up."
Holding me tightly as if I would fall away any second, he held me longingly in a peaceful silence before continuing in a proud voice. "If anything, you became a stronger person because of it all. Even if you concocted a false memory to live by, it didn't damage you. You still built yourself up into the strong and confident woman you are today, and I couldn't be more proud of you." Pulling back, I looked up to see his equally proud smile that made a warmth bloom in my chest. "You didn't let your trauma turn your life down a different path of destruction, so own that and be proud of it. I just wanted you to see the full truth and start living with it, that's why I did what I did. I couldn't stand the thought of you having a break down every time anyone tries to challenge your fabrication, and I can't dance around it forever." He finished with an apologetic smile and regretful eyes.
Cliché, but a weight lifted off my shoulders and chest. For once in my life, I felt as if I could actually breathe. This unknown tension between Stepan and I eased, too. "I don't know what you see in me. I'm just a burnt mess." I gave a dry chuckle as I leaned away to wipe away my tears.
Stepan's lips instantly widened into a loving smile as he rested his forehead against mine. "Everything. I see a good day, a good future, a good life with the most amazing woman in the world. You are my everything Hanna, I mean it. I wouldn't want you any other way. Scars and trauma and all, I want all of it because that is you." His lips sealed mine in a deep, passionate kiss filled with everything—that's the only way I could describe it.
"I love you Hanna, forever and always."
"I know."
Chapter 41
Hanna
"I want attention."
I demanded with crossed arms and a stomp of my feet like some petulant child.
Sighing heavily, Stepan looked up at me from his desk. "And I told you, I will give it to you once I am—"
CLATTER!
My arm remained extended after knocking over his little stationary on his desk, smirking at him defiantly because I could see the irritation and annoyance twitch on his face. "No, now." I continue to demand, not caring about the punishment for my brattiness later.
"Last warning, if you don't start behaving, your ass will hate you later tonight." His blue eyes stormed over with lust and promise as his fingers drummed against the top of his desk. "And you won't get to orgasm."
My face dropped at the last bit because I could take whatever spanking he had in mind, no matter the method of delivery, but to be denied my orgasms knowing how close to the edge he'd get me, yeah, no.
"Kneel." He commanded, pointing his finger at the floor between his open legs.
"Yes, Daddy." I knew what he wanted by now, and I was already in deep shit with him for later. So, might as well be good and see if I could earn any mercy.
Settling between his legs under the desk, I quickly undo his pants and pull out his hardening cock. "What's taking your attention from me?" I asked, looking up at him through my lashes as I stroked him.
"Trying to pinpoint Lilian Wu's operations to shut down. She's been playing it safe and retreating, so we've been a step behind. I just don't want her—mhmm fuck." Stepan's hand fisted the back of my hair when I took him all into my mouth and down my throat in one go. "Fucking… Ugh… Don't want her getting away."
Well, guess this was one way to get his attention. Maybe I should have done this earlier; doubt he would have punished me for getting down on my knees and giving him a blowjob to ease his stress while he worked. Oh well, pissing him off was more fun anyways.
