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He did love me.
Only fools believe that love fixes everything
The crack widens. The wound deepens.
I have so many questions, but I can’t speak anymore. My throat closes, and I forgot how to even formulate simple words. My lips are numb, and there’s a heavy tightness in my chest that restricts my breath. A thick pressure circles my neck, like a tight noose.
My heart weeps and a lonely tear slides down my cheek. I don’t even have the strength to cry. My soul bleeds, the fragmented pieces of it decaying into nothingness.
They say pain comes in waves. Whether it’s emotional or physical.
The first wave hits me unexpectedly. It’s a brutal one. The harshest wave, a hurricane of unbearable agony and disgusting misery.
I barely float above the surface of sanity before I drown, before I am swept by the tidal waves of anguish. They engulf me. And then I’m…
Sinking to the bottom of the dark abyss that resides in me. A place I haven’t visited since the day Grayson kissed me. A place I left behind because Grayson filled me with… hope.
I can still hear his deep breathing over the phone, but it no longer brings me comfort. If anything, it only torments me more. “Why are you doing this?” I whisper brokenly.
“Because when love grows dull, it’s easier to end it instead of trying so hard to ignite something that’s not there anymore.”
My lips part into a silent cry.
“Goodbye, Riley.”
“No… Grayson. GRAYSON!”
The call ends and then he’s gone.
With a grievous scream, I throw my phone at the wall and watch it crack. Collapsing, my body sinks into the ground and I lay there, listlessly. The dam breaks open and I let out an anguished sob. My chest rattles with broken, guttural cries.
It was all lies.
Grayson Hale is a wretched liar.
And I believed everything he said, like a gullible girl in love.
He tore my heart out, slicing it with his betrayal and his pretty lies, leaving me to bleed while desperately trying to hang on to the remnants of his damnable love.
My broken cries turn into me gagging. Acidic bile rises in my throat, and I stumble to the bathroom, crawling when my knees weaken and I can’t hold myself upright. I barely make it to the toilet before my stomach churns and I start retching violently.
The devils on my shoulders are laughing now. Taunting me.
Look at you, Riley. So weak, so unlovable. Nobody wants you. You’re so pathetic.
The sound of me vomiting and my awful gagging echoes around the wall of my bathroom. But I don’t stop there. Once I begin, I can’t stop. Shoving my two fingers down my throat, I force out every bite I have gladly taken earlier. The smell is so pungent, it makes my vomiting so much worse that I start to feel dizzy. Sobbing, I heave with great revulsion over the bowl of the toilet. My vomit splatters across my shirt and my sleeves. It even gets in my hair, but I can’t fucking stop.
My muscles ache from the force of my sobs. My whole body hurts. Everything hurts.
Once I have nothing left in my body, I dry-heave continuously before stumbling back from the toilet. I don’t know how long I stay like this, laying on the floor… so lifelessly.
Loving Grayson Hale was my damnation.
If only I had known…
I curse kismet… for bringing him into my life. For filling my heart with hope only to leave me hopeless once again.
I curse the day I met him in that dark alley.
