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She pouts grumpily and throws her extra bed pillow at me. I easily dodge it, and it hits the wall, right behind me, falling back onto the mattress. “So, any other smutty recommendations?”
“Hmm.” I think about the recent book I’ve read. “I’ve read Sam Mariano recently, if youfinally want to give the bully trope a chance.”
“I might give it a chance if you promise to read Finley Fenn.”
“Who?”
Lila smiles, all teeth, which worries me. “Orc dick,” she whispers, her eyes lighting up with mischief. “Orc dick and lots of fluids. Buckets of cum. Breeding kink. The smuttiest.”
“Orcs?” I gasp. “You’re reading about orcs now? Last week it was blue aliens!”
I might have brought Lila into the world of romancelandia, but she tragically fell into the dark hole of monster romance. At this point, she’s beyond saving.
“Hey, don’t yuck on it until you’ve tried it,” she defends, pouting again. Lila types something on her phone and then shows me her screen. “See? That’s how the orcs look. The author commissioned artwork for the characters. Not what you were imagining, right?”
Oh. He looks somehow human. Just…green. With fangs.
But definitely a lot more handsome than I was imagining.
“Uhm, maybe I’ll give it a chance,” I tell her, still somewhat unsure about her recommendation. But then again, that’s what we do. We share our favorite books with each other. Our own little book club. Just the two of us.
Speaking of smut though…
“I have a question.” I reach for the pillow Lila threw at me earlier and bring it to my lap. “It’s a bit personal.”
Lila slowly cocks her head to the side. “Oh yeah? What is it?”
“Have you ever orgasmed before?” I sputter quickly before I lose the courage to ask. This is more personal for me than her.
“Yes. But why are you asking?”
“Solo or with someone else?”
She quirks up her eyebrow at me. “Solo. I’ve only had sex once, and it was rather subpar. I didn’t orgasm then because my first time was actually quite painful. But I’ve found my own release afterward. A little bit of self-care goes a long way.”
“So, you can come, on your own?”
“Yes,” she says again, dragging out the word. “Is there something wrong?”
Yes, something is very wrong with me.
“I think my vagina is broken,” I blurt out and then slap my hand over my mouth.
Lila’s eyes widen and, for a long minute, she stares at me in silence. “I’m sorry, what?”
I chew on the inside of my cheek, half-grimacing and half-wishing I never started this conversation. Because now I have to tell Lila another flaw of mine. “I can’t…orgasm.”
“You can’t orgasm?” she reiterates slowly. “Why do you think that?”
I throw my hands in the air. “Because I’ve tried everything!”
My own fingers, toys, my imagination, some fancy vibrator and even the freaking showerhead. But nothing works.
It’s not that I don’t feel pleasure. I do…and I enjoy touching myself when I’m in the mood for it, but I only ever reach the edge of it, not the peak. No fireworks and no climax. I can’t orgasm.
Hence — I’ve been sexually frustrated for a very long time.
And I can’t find a solution for it.
