Page 88 of The Beginning Of Us


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So, yeah…my vagina is broken.

“Have you tried watching porn and touching yourself?”

“Yes, but it doesn’t work and just leaves me feeling awkward.” I shake my head. “It’s just…frustrating.”

“Oookay, well…there are two sex toys I found and they have explosive reviews online. So maybe, you can give those a try? The first one is the Heated Rabbit Vibrator, which I ordered for myself two days ago and the other is clitoral vibrator. I’ll find the links and send them to you.”

“They probably won’t work for me,” I mumble, feeling myself flush at the confession. “Nothing works. I’ll probably never experience an orgasm in my life!”

“Give it a try first. Don’t worry.” She pats my knee, almost emphatically. “We will figure something out for your sad vagina.”

I can’t help but huff at her choice of words. “Mission help Riley orgasm?”

Lila shakes her head once and then stares at me, ever so seriously. “Nope. We will call it mission: Help Save Riley’s Vagina from a Depressive and Lonely Life.”

I blink and we hold each other’s gaze for a long minute. Lila’s facial expression changes first and then I can’t help but follow. It starts with us snickering and then ends up with full uncontrollable giggling.

“This is serious, Lila!” I fall back onto her mattress and cover my face with my hands. I can’t look at her. The whole bed is shaking with our laughter.

“I am being serious!”

“I hate you sometimes,” I tell her, half-crying and half-laughing.

Our laughter dies down after a while, and we’re both breathless for some time. I stay on my back, and Lila scoots in closer until our shoulders touch. We both stare up at her starry ceiling. They look better at night, when her room is dark and her ceiling lights up. I’ve fallen asleep here plenty of times before.

“We got each other, right?” she asks softly.

I blindly reach for her hand and give it a squeeze. “Yeah, we got each other,” I agree, my voice just barely above a whisper.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Grayson — 17 years old (Senior year)

“You’re too tense,” Oaklynn says, approaching with a twinkle in her eyes. She hands me a glass of white wine and I take it reluctantly.

“Thanks,” I mumble quietly.

It’s Uncle Ben’s fiftieth birthday, and we’re under parental supervision to be drinking. I wasn’t planning to consume any alcohol tonight. Except, right now, I think I might need it.

This is my first time attending a “rich” party, and it’s lavished, to say the least. Everyone is dressed up in their most expensive suits and dresses. The crystal chandeliers at the center of the ballroom give the whole place a regal, luxurious feel. The food is deluxe and in abundance. For the longest time, I could barely afford a single meal for Naomi and me. Food had always been scarce for us, so I still have to get used to seeing so much at once.

Everything is just so…extravagant.

Aunt Naveah had an Armani custom-made suit prepared for me. The moment I put it on, I wanted to rip off my body. My skin itches with the unfamiliar fabric and I feel like a foreign person in it. Like I’m wearing another layer of skin, to hide what’s really underneath.

I don’t belong here.

I’m completely out of place and I know all the guests can see that. I can feel their eyes on me, probably waiting for a lapse in my posture. Waiting to see if I’ll show my true colors.

Uncle Ben and Aunt Naveah have done everything to make me feel welcome and at home with them, and I want to be here — to celebrate his birthday with him. To have this moment with my…family.

So, even though I know I’m being judged…

Even though I feel suffocated — I refuse to embarrass Uncle Ben or Aunt Naveah. They want me here, so I’ll stay and smile and play along.

“Why are you standing here, by the window?” Oaklynn asks when I stay silent. She has straightened her dark curly hair tonight, and she’s wearing a black, pearly dress that accents her curves. Her heels are too tall, and it's a wonder how she’s walking in them without tripping all over her feet. “You’re looking particularly lonely, Grayson.”

I half-shrug in response. Oaklynn is the daughter of Uncle Ben’s close friend. We’ve met a few times already, when they’ve been over for dinner. I’ll be attending Berkshire Academy next week after being home-schooled for a year. Oaklynn is a Berksire student and she’ll be helping me with the transition, as Uncle Ben called it.

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