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Lost in her thoughts, she startled when Dozer took the bar stool beside her, setting a cat mug of coffee on the counter.
Her gaze went to the clock on the wall. Almost an hour had passed since Karma left to deliver his coffee and “take care” of his morning problem. She didn’t look his way—she couldn’t. She was hanging on by a fine, delicate thread.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked. He brushed her hair behind her shoulder and leaned closer.
He even smelled like cheap perfume. The same exact perfume Karma had been wearing. She forced herself to focus on the coffee cup he’d sat on the bar. She couldn’t help her wince and she pulled away at his touch.
“Whoa, Janel. What’s wrong?”
What’s wrong? Her entire life. The noise inside her head threatened her sanity. Her therapist would be so disappointed when she let herself revert back to the way she coped after James was killed, which was by shutting out all the white noise around her and taking herself to the beach. The sun warming her face, the sea air blowing through her hair, and the sand beneath her bare feet.
“Janel?” His tone was firmer and sounded concerned, but she couldn’t find the words.
From her seat in the sand with cool waves lapping at her toes, she heard Dozer call Violet’s name. She heard the woman’s worried voice saying she didn’t know what had happened. Then Violet said that woman’s name, Karma, and Dozer’s loud “Fuck!”
His anger brought her back, humiliated that she’d escaped instead of facing her problems head on. She was stronger than how she’d just reacted. No more. No more. She stood up and walked straight to the door without making eye contact with anyone or acknowledging any of the “activities” going on in the room.
Dozer followed behind her and she made it to the hallway, up the stairs, and into his bedroom before he grabbed her arm. She yanked it from his grasp. “Don’t touch me.”
His gaze narrowed and a brow rose. “That’s not what you said last night, princess. You couldn’t get enough of my touch or my fingers deep inside your pussy.”
She hated that her heart raced and her stomach quivered at his coarse words and the memories of how he’d made her crave his touch. She really hated how she wanted it again. How could she still want his touch when she knew he was with Karma less than an hour ago?
She rose to her full, royal, five-foot four inch height and pushed down the anger and betrayal that threatened to erupt. “We both know you don’t want me. You couldn’t run away from me fast enough. Go back to Karma for another round, not a twenty-eight-year-old virgin who can’t get a man to fuck her.”
Dozer recoiled as if she’d hit him on the chin. “Never,” he snapped, and took her face in his hand. “Not for one second think I didn’t want you. I’ve fought with myself all night for fucking things up. I shouldn’t have touched you. I have no right to touch you.”
She glared at him. “Right, you wanted me so badly you ran to Karma’s bed. What, Dozer, if one pussy is unavailable, another one is just as good?”
“Enough!” he growled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re right. I know nothing about sex, but according to Karma you wore her out last night.”
The gold in his brown eyes flared as he glowered down at her. “I wasn’t with Karma last night or this morning. Prez and I shared a bottle last night and I slept on the lumpy as fuck couch in his office. This morning Karma showed up with a cup of coffee. Since my head was pounding, I took it. I told her to get out and I drank it. Nothing happened.”
He dropped her chin, but his gaze remained fixed on hers. If she hadn’t been closely watching, she would have missed the flicker of regret.
“But let me be completely honest. I came so close to fucking you last night. I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I don’t do feelings. Ever. I ran to keep from hurting you. You don’t need someone like me in your life. And you surely don’t need someone like me to take what you should give to a man that means something to you.”
“Dozer…”
“Let me finish. I ran because if I stayed, none of that would have mattered. I would have had you. I didn’t know how to deal with all that shit. In my mind, I needed to fuck you out of my head with one of the club bitches.”
She gasped and took a step back. His crudeness made her shudder.
“But I couldn’t go through with it.” His shoulders fell and his gaze softened. “She didn’t have black hair, and she didn’t have your addictive scent, and she didn’t look up at me with eyes bluer than the deepest ocean. She wasn’t you.”
Janel didn’t want to give hope to what he said.
“That’s how I ended up on Prez’s couch with a bottle to keep from climbing those stairs and giving us what we both wanted.”
“I could have saved you a lot of stress if you would have simply asked me what I wanted.”
“I knew what you wanted. I smelled what you wanted for hours afterwards on my fingers. But it wasn’t right to take from you when you weren’t thinking clearly. Lust clouds your better judgement. You would have regretted it in the morning.”
Janel threw her head back and screamed. “I am so damn tired of people making decisions for me. I know my own mind. You aren’t some sexy savant who makes women lose their morals and fall under your spell when you touch them. I could have said no if I didn’t want to be with you.”
She turned away from his piercing gaze. “Just leave. I’m tired of fighting to be seen and heard.”
